Thrown into the past

I shatter like a glass

Thrown into my past

Gripping the door in fear

I want to run, but to where?

I sink to the floor

I scream no more

Nobody hears me

Why can’t they see?

I am bruised misused

Totally confused

The past claws at me

I am never going to be free.


Author: Carol anne

I am 40 years young. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

10 thoughts on “Thrown into the past”

  1. The past is a ghost that passes through. When it’s there, it’s frightening, intrusive and all too present. Once it dissipates, it ultimately has done little lasting damage as it is only a ghost of what was. I am truly sorry you are going through this, but the past shall always haunt us, and despite the misery, it is worth noting that it is a good thing. You SURVIVED that past. You rose above, moved on, left what caused that pain behind. It comes back, yes, but I think it’s a good thing (for me). Putting me back into those moments, although terrifying and painful, reminds me of who and what I really am. It’s a reminder to be more than what anyone else expects me to be, to respect myself above everything else, and recognize I AM better, brighter, stronger than I ever believed back then. Yeah, it sucks, but for as much as the reminder sucks, I am equal and opposite amazing, and sometimes I start to forget. The past comes forth in those lapsed moments and smacks me in the head and says “no, you’re amazing! Remember!!!!” And then after I finally wipe my eyes, I DO remember.

    The ghost can’t hurt you, but it can remind you never to go back to that moment in time, it can remind you how amazing you are, it can show you your worth. So let the emotions come (it’s a thank you to the ghost for showing you the light the only way it’s noncorporial existence can), then as a thank you to yourself for rising above, hold your head high and remember who and what you are and have become.

    You, are stronger and better than your past led you to believe. Your ghosts see it and follow you because you deserve to remember how amazing you are. So, remember when you were who you didn’t want to be, feel the pain of it, but ultimately you will remember who you are now, and you will rock this world once more!



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