Emotional pain

she’s in pain

But she struggles hard

and only shows anger

its turned inward toward herself

one who won’t fight back

she rages in memories

and refuses to cry

swallowing hard

choking on self-loathing

why is it herself she releases the beast on

maybe it’s because there’s no retaliation

or maybe it’s misplaced

she’s forgotten who was wrong

she was just a child doing the bidding of adults yet

she finds herself to blame

for all the world that trembled

and she blames herself

for what slipped thru little fingers

but who was there to catch her and clean up the mess

mother, father, were not and where were the rest

I think when someone learns to rely only on themselves

they also learn to place the blame with that person too

so anger becomes self-hate because you are safe and unabandoning

but why doesn’t love ever become self-love?

Author: Carol anne

I am 40 years young. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

4 thoughts on “Emotional pain”

  1. It’s been a while, as I couldn’t figure out the password thingy, but I want to say I see progress in your writing. You are able to sit with the darkness and find light. I know it has been hard work, and there is a way to go, but bravo to you for all your hard work.

    Liked by 1 person

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