I saw Dr. Barry this afternoon

I am just back home after seeing Dr. Barry. I had an afternoon appointment today. The appointment went well, it was a very useful appointment. I was telling Dr. Barry how We talked about moms deteriorating health.
My mom is now on the portable oxygen, and how the next time she goes back to the oxygen clinic she’ll be tested to see about her going on oxygen overnight. I also told her about my dads health not being great. We talked about me having to stay home more now, and not being able to rely on mom for support. Thats hard. I was so used to relying on her for emotional support. I was able to just go to her house whenever I needed to, whenever I was stressed, or anxious, depressed, etc. Now I cant do that. I am very stressed out at the moment. My anxiety is through the roof. I know I’ll just have to get used to staying home. But its extremely hard. Then this afternoon my sister said that she can’t drop mom off and pick her up from my house on wednesdays any longer, as she has extra work hours, and she has to pick her kids up from two different schools, so now it looks like mom won’t be able to come visit me on wednesdays any more unless she can get a taxi, and now that its coming into the winter she said she’ll need to stay home more to mind her lungs so she doesnt get chest infections and end up in the hospital. It feels as if all of my support is being pulled from me. I am so upset and really distressed. Dr. Barry is going to refer me to the social worker, so that she can advocate for more PA hours for me. The thing is, there is a bit of a waiting list to see her. So in the meantime Dr. Barry and my community psychiatric nurse sarah are going to get some guidance from her and maybe write some letters to the agency that provides my PA hours on my behalf. I don’t know if they’ll increase my hours or not. The last time I tried to get more hours they said no, saying that I needed to try to increase my independence. I don’t think they realise how severe my mental illnesses are. They think I can just do more to make myself more independent. But I cant. I tried going to an independent living centre to gain more independence, that didn’t work out. I need my PA not just to do housework and take me grocery shopping, I also need them for emotional support and socialisation. I hope it isnt going to be a huge batter just to get a couple more hours. Now that my family cant support me like they used to do, I feel as if I should be entitled to get more hours. We talked about my sleep too and I told Dr. Barry my sleep was not good. I told her how it hasnt been good now for weeks. She decided to discontinue my haldol for now, and add in a sleeping tablet. So I’ll be coming off my haldon 5 MG tablets which I was taking at night, at first she was going to decrease my dose from 5 MG tablets to 3 MG tablets, but then she asked me how I’d feel about just coming off of it for now. I agreed, it wasnt doing much for me anyway. I’ll be taking zimovane, or zopiclone, 7.5 MG for a few weeks, and Dr. Barry said she’d increase it to 15 MG if I needed her to the next time I see her which will be in 2 weeks from now. I won’t be able to get my new meds until tuesday, so I will just have to tough it out until then. I hope I can. My CPN Sarah is back from her holidays now and she will be phoning me on Friday afternoon. I am glad she’s back. I didn’t ring alison while Sarah was off, I was going to call her a couple of times but then I got too nervous and anxious and I chickened out of calling her. I’m happy sarah is calling on Friday, I really trust her, and we get along, and I feel supported by her. Dr. Barry told me to call her on Friday morning just so that she can put a referral in to the weekend team for me. If I am going to be home more at the weekends now, I will need the support of the weekend mental health team. I will probably get phone support, but then if I need to go up to the hospital to see them I can do that. So that was my appointment today. I have a lot going on right now. A lot to think about and stress about. It felt good to talk with Dr. Barry and get it all off of my chest. I felt relief at being able to discuss how I am feeling. I hope I can get my sleep back to some sort of normal soon. And I hope I can get my anxiety to lessen also.

Author: Carol anne

I am 40 years young. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

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