I havent felt great lately

So lately I havent felt great. I’ve felt really strange. Very dissociative, or like I could start dissociating at any minute.
In therapy this afternoon, Eileen noticed the pull to dissociate. She said we kept coming and going. Like we couldnt stay focused, we were being pulled in all directions.
Thats exactly how it felt to me too.
Also, my anxietys really bad. I can feel my heart pounding out of my chest. I also feel a lot of fear, and distress building. It builds and builds and then we just get so panicky and overwhelmed.
We are working on things in therapy with Eileen. Today we just talked about feelings. And about the dissociation and anxiety.
At first I wasnt able to explain it to her. I was getting lost in it and couldnt find my words. In the end I did find the words though and I was able to verbalise how I was feeling. Then I started feeling much more like myself after I verbalised it to her.
I think my asthma attack I had last night was a direct result of all the distress I was feeling. I just couldnt breathe too good. I had a ventolin inhaler but it wasnt doing much. So this morning I went to the doctor to get a nebulizer treatment, and a prescription for a different inhaler. The new inhaler seems to be helping and I am very glad it is working.
I think I need to just relax for the rest of the evening. I didnt even work on friendly call today. I told my supervisor I wasnt feeling good and I would take the day off. She was ok with that.
I am just going to sit here and read and watch tv for a bit.

Author: Carol anne

I am 40 years young. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

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