And just like that, splat!

I feel so low. I am crying and I cant stop.
I feel so worthless, like I shouldnt have friends, like I dont deserve for anyone to care about me, or love me.
I had flashbacks earlier. I’m still not over them.
Why was I hurt so bad? Why was it ok for the adults who were supposed to be taking care of me to abuse and use me and treat me like an object?
No one protected me. No one cared. No one came when I was being hurt, no one came to save me.
why? Why?
I guess there is no answer to that.
I ask god why, then I dont believe in a god, then I feel bad for not believing.
Its a vicious circle. And I’m trapped and alone and swirling in the midst of all the chaos.

Author: Carol anne

I am 40 years young. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

8 thoughts on “And just like that, splat!”

  1. Oh, Carol Anne. I’m so sorry that the adults weren’t your protectors and instead treated you the worst of all. And I’m sorry that you are feeling so lonely. Of course you deserve love, and friendship, and protection. Please don’t ever doubt it. Their abuse was their shortcoming and their wiring misfiring.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh, my heart aches for you! I do believe in God, but I tend to ask Him the same questions or believe that He’s somehow punishing me. He isn’t though. You will make it through this!

    Like

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