Reflections on todays appointment with Dr. Barry

Dr. Barry and I had a really great appointment today. It started off with a funny thing. Usually on our way into her office, Dr. Barry stops at the water dispenser to get us some water, well, today it wasnt working, so what did dr. barry do? She had her secretary go up to the main reception in the hospital to get us some water. Our kids thought that was so funny, she wasnt going to leave us without a drink.
We had a lot to discuss today. Mainly it was around our ongoing ptsd symptoms, dissociative episodes, emotional overwhelm, anxiety, and low moods.
We told her how bad things got for us last week. We had to also tell her about Eileen canceling our session, and then how sarah who is our CPN also canceled our phone appointment last week. We told her how alone we felt, how we really felt like we were on our own, and how unmanageable things became.
She listened, and then she said we dont give ourselves enough credit. She said we are far too hard on ourselves. How four or five years ago in that situation, our coping skills would have been to overdose, or to self harm, and that even though sometimes now we have urges to self harm, its been a long time since we’ve actually done it.
She’s right, this is all true. I told her how last week one evening, I had to go to bed, I couldnt function, because I was too emotional, and too triggered to do much of anything, so I just went to bed at 4 PM and I stayed there until the next morning.
I said, isnt that awful? I mean, isnt that really bad?
Why is it bad, she said.
It was all you could do in the situation. If going to bed was all you could do, then thats ok, dont be so hard on yourself, you did the only thing you knew to do.
I call that self care, Dr. barry said, and that made me smile.
Then we chatted a bit about my meds, about me getting the covid vaccine next week, and about therapy and attachment stuff.
She kept reiterating what great work I was doing in therapy, and that I should recognise that. I told her Eileen had said the same thing on Monday in our session, how she’d said we did some great work and I kinda brushed her off, because I find it hard to take a compliment.
It was a great appointment, I still need to do some more reflecting on what we talked about, because deep down, I know Dr. Barrys right, I am way too hard on myself. And I dont give myself enough credit for the work I do in therapy.
Dr. Barry ended by saying your really honest, really real, and I said some of my blog friends had said the same things to me. Thats because its all true, Dr. Barry said. And you always reflect on our sessions, yes, I said, I do.
That is never going to change.

Author: Carol anne

I am 40 years young. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

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