ZZZ, WONT COME FOR ME!

GOD! GUYS I AM CRAWLING OUT OF MY SKIN! I AM SO ANXIOUS. I CANT FUCKING SLEEP EITHER! GOD THIS BLOODY SUCKS! I AM SO OVER THIS ANXIETY. THE ANXIETY MONSTER JUST KEEPS STRIKING AND THERE IS NO FUCKING LET UP!
AND I HAVE THERAPY IN THE MORNING, IN ABOUT 8 HOURS, , AND I DONT WANNA TALK TO EILEEN! I AM NOT IN THE MOOD FOR TALKING ABOUT MY SHIT! SOMEONE NEEDS TO GIVE US A FREAKIN BREAK!
HAVING DID IS NO PICNIC! HAVING CONSTANT ANXIETY AND LOW MOOD IS A ROYAL PAIN!
WHEN IS IT GOING TO END?
EILEEN IS GOING TO ASK ME TO TALK TO HER, TELL HER WHATS BOTHERING ME, I WOULD, IF MY WORDS WOULD COME OUT IN SOME SORTA COHERENT FASHION, BUT ALL I GOT IS A BRAIN FULL OF TURMOIL, A HEART THAT FREAKIN HURTS, A CHEST THATS TIGHT, A STOMACH THAT CLENCHES AT THE VERY THOUGHT OF TRYING TO TELL MY THERAPIST WHY I FEEL SO BAD!
I WANNA CUT SO BAD RIGHT NOW GUYS!
I REALLY WOULD LOVE TO TAKE A BLADE TO MY SKIN AND CUT THE WHOLE LOT OFF!
I WONT, DONT WORRY, I AM SAFE. I JUST AM HAVING STRONG URGES!
ITS DOUBTFUL SLEEP IS GONNA COME, AS MY FRIEND MORGUE SAYS, ITS BACK TO FORT BLANKY, TO TRY TO SETTLE DOWN AND WHEN I MAKE A CUP OF TEA, I’LL TRY TO READ FOR A WHILE TO SEE IF THAT’LL DISTRACT US.
WISH ME LUCK GUYS! AND IF YOUR OUT THERE, I COULD USE A FRIEND!
LIZ WHOSE FEELING VERY PISSY RIGHT NOW!

Author: Carol anne

I am 40 years young. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland. View all posts by Carol anne