ZZZ, WONT COME FOR ME!

GOD! GUYS I AM CRAWLING OUT OF MY SKIN! I AM SO ANXIOUS. I CANT FUCKING SLEEP EITHER! GOD THIS BLOODY SUCKS! I AM SO OVER THIS ANXIETY. THE ANXIETY MONSTER JUST KEEPS STRIKING AND THERE IS NO FUCKING LET UP!
AND I HAVE THERAPY IN THE MORNING, IN ABOUT 8 HOURS, , AND I DONT WANNA TALK TO EILEEN! I AM NOT IN THE MOOD FOR TALKING ABOUT MY SHIT! SOMEONE NEEDS TO GIVE US A FREAKIN BREAK!
HAVING DID IS NO PICNIC! HAVING CONSTANT ANXIETY AND LOW MOOD IS A ROYAL PAIN!
WHEN IS IT GOING TO END?
EILEEN IS GOING TO ASK ME TO TALK TO HER, TELL HER WHATS BOTHERING ME, I WOULD, IF MY WORDS WOULD COME OUT IN SOME SORTA COHERENT FASHION, BUT ALL I GOT IS A BRAIN FULL OF TURMOIL, A HEART THAT FREAKIN HURTS, A CHEST THATS TIGHT, A STOMACH THAT CLENCHES AT THE VERY THOUGHT OF TRYING TO TELL MY THERAPIST WHY I FEEL SO BAD!
I WANNA CUT SO BAD RIGHT NOW GUYS!
I REALLY WOULD LOVE TO TAKE A BLADE TO MY SKIN AND CUT THE WHOLE LOT OFF!
I WONT, DONT WORRY, I AM SAFE. I JUST AM HAVING STRONG URGES!
ITS DOUBTFUL SLEEP IS GONNA COME, AS MY FRIEND MORGUE SAYS, ITS BACK TO FORT BLANKY, TO TRY TO SETTLE DOWN AND WHEN I MAKE A CUP OF TEA, I’LL TRY TO READ FOR A WHILE TO SEE IF THAT’LL DISTRACT US.
WISH ME LUCK GUYS! AND IF YOUR OUT THERE, I COULD USE A FRIEND!
LIZ WHOSE FEELING VERY PISSY RIGHT NOW!

Author: Carol anne

I am 40 years young. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

8 thoughts on “ZZZ, WONT COME FOR ME!”

  1. Sorry for being late to the party. Hell, anxiety sucks but lady you are an inspiration of getting through it despite urges and pain. I hope you got a little sleep and you can find the words for Eileen. I know you don’t want to talk but I bet you know it works and she seems to be an amazing lady. Hang in there. The candle is lit for all of you daily 🤗🙋‍♀️🐝

    Liked by 1 person

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