Connecting with my therapist

Lately we’ve had trouble with feeling connected to our therapist. Its been hard to feel her presence, withlockdown and all, since we’ve not been having face to face therapy!
Attachment sucks! I hate how it makes me feel!
On Sunday night, I sat on my bathroom floor for hours, in tears. I was missing my therapist so badly. No amount of replaying things she’d said to me, or holding objects she’d given me was helping me feel connected to her.
I just wanted to reach out and hug her! I longed for a hug from her!
Yesterday we had therapy, and I told her how I felt. She was very compassionate and understanding.
“It sounds like you were really triggered into a young and vulnerable place”, She said.
Yes. I was. I was very very triggered. As I said, attachment sucks.
“Lets try to connect now”, she said.
“I’m bringing my attention to you, I’m going to put my hand on your back, like I would if we were in the therapy room, and I was sitting beside you”. “I want you to feel me putting my hand in the middle of your back supporting you, can you feel it”?
I could. Right then it felt so good. I felt so supported. And I started to cry.
“I miss face to face Eileen”, I said through my tears.
I wished we were in the therapy room right there and then!
Doing therapy through a screen over zoom just isnt the same!
She tried to soothe me and was so kind and helpful.
And now, now I still feel her strong hand on my back, when I think of her. I feel her presence, I hear her calming voice and it soothes me.

Author: Carol anne

I am 40 years young. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

Talk to me! I love comments!

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