hi Its Emily and I feel so down

hihihii everybody
its me em
im realy sad
my heart is hurting so so much tonight
you know how carol anne said we were having low mood
well that was me
im the one who is feeling down
i was having memories and i hate them
i was remembering being made to throw up our food
being given syrup of ipecac to make us throw up
and we’d throw up and throw up
and we couldnt stop
now i have lots of issues with food
and with purging and its probly becuase of those early memories that i have
i am going to make some tea i think
becuase tea makes everything better
if anyones around i can use a friend
im going to talk with eileen tomorrow
shes always so kind to me
i need a hug from her
but it will have to be a heart hug
covid is so stupid
i hate not being able to hug eileen
i just wanna go out to her office
she says hopefully soon we can
i hope so
i feel so bad
i feel gross and disgusting
how can anyone love or like me
i just feel unlovable
and like i need to punish myself
im trying not to though
butterfly hugs
loves you,
emily, age 12

Author: Carol anne

I am 40 years young. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

12 thoughts on “hi Its Emily and I feel so down”

  2. Sending positive thoughts your way, Emily. I sometimes hug a pillow so I can feel the hug press against me. You are a good person who was caught in a difficult situation which was not your fault. Take care! Your friend in the USA, Rebecca

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

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