Yesterdays appointment with Dr. Barry

I saw Dr. Barry yesterday. I had a 2 PM appointment, but I got there around 1:30. There was nobody at the check in desk when I arrived, they were all at lunch. I stood there for about 15 minutes, then Dr. Barry came along, and she saw me standing there. She came over and told me to sit down, that she’d leave a note for karen the secretary to let her know I was here and needed to be checked in, she sat me near the check in desk. Karen came back in a few minutes and I was checked in and so I sat waiting for about half an hour.
A very traumatic thing happened while I waited. This guy came in, and he went up to the check in desk, he was looking for a doctor. Karen said to him, have you cut your arm sir? He was pretty unwell, and he mumbled um yeah. Dr. Barry and karen were behind the desk, and Dr. Barry said to him, sir, you need to go to urgent care and get your arm dressed, its dripping blood all over the floor. I started freaking out then, as the guy was right in front of us. I was shaking and starting to panic. He was refusing to go to urgent care, and Dr. Barry said to him that he had to leave, and go out of this building and up to urgent care, which was on the same campus but just a different building, she wasnt mean to him, but she was stern with him, and eventually he did leave. However there was still blood all over the floor.
A few minutes later Dr. Barry came to get me. She could tell I wasnt ok. She said we’re going to walk around the other way since there is blood all over the floor, and on our way to her office she popped her head into where karen was and said is someone going to clean up the blood? Karen said she’d have someone do it.
We went in to Dr. Barrys office. She asked me if I wanted some water. I gladly took it. I sat down and burst into tears. Dr. Barry came over and held my hand. Its ok, she said, its ok, its just you and me in here now.
Then she said to me I dont think I’ll sit you near the desk any more, there’s too much going on and its too upsetting for you. I think in future I’ll have you wait down the corridor by my office, I said I’d like to do that.
We talked about last week when I came up to get my shot, she said she was sorry that Kay gave me the 3rd degree. Its my fault, she said. I spoke to her about you because I was so worried after Liz self harmed, I was worried about you and I told Kay that I didnt know if your cuts were healing, and Kay took it upon herself to ask you to show her, but that is also my fault, I didnt tell kay that liz was ashamed of the self harm, if I told her that she wouldnt have asked you if she could see your cuts.
Also, she said, I am really sorry that a patient was questioning you about your blindness. I know who it was, and we are going to keep an eye out in future, this guy is not really in touch with reality, and he gets very overfamiliar with the staff, usually its just the staff he is overfamiliar with and not the patients. We’ll definitely keep our eye on him, I’m really sorry you had to experience the upset of that.
Then we spoke about symptoms. She knew I wasnt sleeping right lately, sarah the CPN had told her. She asked me if I would stay on the combo of haldol and fenergan for now, I said I would be happy to stay on them, I told her about coming to the conclusion that I needed meds to be able to sleep.
We talked about our depression. I think, she said I’ll increase your prozac, take you up to 60 MG which is the max dose. You’ve been doing well on 40 mg, and you need to remember you have so much going on right now, you have a lot of anxietys, between your moms health, therapy anxiety, time of year, the covid situation, etc. You have a lot going on. Its very reasonable that you’d be having worsening symptoms. I think you shouldnt be too rash, I think if we increase the prozac it might help.
I’m up for that, I said.
So that is what we’re going to do!
I’ll see her again in two weeks. on the 9th of December.

Author: Carol anne

I am 40 years young. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

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