GIVEN THE 3RD DEGREE TODAY

SO I’VE JUST GOT MY SHOT. THE NURSE WAS REALLY NICE, BUT SHE WAS REALLY QUESTIONING ME TODAY. SHE KNEW I DIDNT MAKE LAST WEEKS APPOINTMENT WITH DR. BARRY DUE TO NOT BEING ABLE TO LEAVE MY HOUSE BECAUSE OF ANXIETY. I WAS TWO WEEKS LATE GETTING MY SHOT, AND I’M NEVER USUALLY LATE GETTING IT. SO OF COURSE THEN NATURALLY SHE KNEW SOMETHING MUST BE UP WITH ME. SO SHE WAS ASKING ABOUT HOW WE WERE DOING, I DID LIE, I TOLD HER NOT GREAT. I TOLD HER ABOUT OUR HIGH LEVELS OF ANXIETY, AND ABOUT THE NOT SLEEPING. I DONT THINK I MENTIONED IT HERE BUT A FEW WEEKS AGO I CUT ONE EVENING. NOBODY HAS SEEN THE CUTS. SHE WANTED TO SEE THEM BUT I REFUSED TO SHOW HER. I AM TOO ASHAMED. I DONT WANT ANYONE SEEING THEM. EILEEN ASKED ME TO SEE THEM AND I WOULDNT LET HER, AND IF I WOULDNT SHOW EILEEN I’M DEFINITELY NOT GOING TO SHOW A NURSE WHO I DONT REALLY KNOW ALL THAT WELL. SHE DIDNT INSIST BUT SHE ASKED ME TO THINK ABOUT LETTING DR. BARRY SEE THEM NEXT WEEK, JUST SO SHE CAN SEE IF THEY ARE HEALING UP OK. I SAID I’D THINK ABOUT IT, BUT I DOUBT I’LL LET DR. BARRY LOOK AT THEM EITHER. MY SELF HARM IS PRIVATE, I HATE HAVING ANYONE SEE IT. I DONT DO IT FOR ATTENTION OR WHERE ANYONE CAN VISIBLY SEE IT. THIS TIME WHEN I CUT IT WAS ON MY THIGHS. SHE ASKED IF I AM EATING, I AM. SHE SAID SHE WAS GOING TO TALK WITH DR. BARRY AND LET HER KNOW WE’D HAD A 2 MINUTE CONVERSATION TODAY. SHE ASKED IF I’D BE OK WITH THAT, I SAID YES I AM FINE WITH HER DOING THAT. I SURE DIDNT THINK THIS MORNING THAT I WAS GOING TO GET THE 3RD DEGREE FROM HER WHEN I SAW HER TODAY. I KNOW SHE CARES, AND SHE DID APOLOGISE TO ME BECAUSE SHE SAID SHE THOUGHT I LOOKED UPSET. I WAS. SHE GAVE ME MY SHOT THEN AND THAT WAS OK. SHE HAD A STUDENT IN THE ROOM WITH HER SO IT WAS DOUBLY UPSETTING, AS THE STUDENT WAS LISTENING TO EVERYTHING THAT I WAS SAYING. I KNOW THEY HAVE TO LEARN, SO THATS WHY I ALLOWED HER IN THE ROOM, I HAD A CHOICE, I DIDNT HAVE TO LET HER STAY THERE. I HOPE SHE LEARNED SOME THINGS FROM BEING PART OF MY APPOINTMENT. KAY DID ASK ME IF I AM STILL HAVING SELF HARM URGES, I DIDNT LIE, I SAID YES I AM. I TOLD HER I’D SPOKEN WITH EILEEN ABOUT THAT. SHE KNOWS EILEEN AS THEY USED TO WORK TOGETHER WHEN EILEEN WAS NURSING. IT IS NICE TO KNOW THE TEAM CARE, AND THAT THEY WILL ALL CHECK UP ON US. I AM GLAD WE HAVE SUCH A GOOD TEAM AROUND US.

Author: Carol anne

I am 40 years young. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

Talk to me! I love comments!

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