3:30 AM ramble from Carol Anne

Well I havent slept. I was too anxious to go to bed. So I stayed awake, I’ll probably pay for it tomorrow, but I cant sleep anyway, so no point in going to bed, and just lying there with my head buzzing and my thoughts racing. That wont do me any good. Better to be up and doing things. Of course you know now that I am wide awake, I had to have coffee, I’m drinking a cup right now, and I have the radio on, a repeat of friday mornings talk show is on right now. My anxiety is still ramped up, I still feel very overwhelmed, as I said my head is buzzing, it feels so full, full of stress, worry, and racing thoughts. I cant be the only one up can I? I know everyones in different time zones, seeing my blog comments coming in really brightened my night, I love getting comments on my posts. Your all fantastic, your so supportive, such fab people, great friends, where would I be without you all! My mood has plummeted, I feel very depressed, I’ve been snuggling nitro for comfort. I’ve been talking to him while I am sitting here, calling him my sweetheart, and my sweet boy, I sware if anyone heard me I’d be taken away by the people in white coats, I talk to my dog as I am walking around the house, I’ll say to him, Nitro I’m just going for a shower, or Nitro wait 2 minutes while I use the bathroom. Lol. I sware he understands me too. The minute I said to him do you want a treat, will we get a treat? His ears pricked up and he immediately ran to where the treats are kept. Silly puppy. Its so great having him here, in the house. He’s such good company and so comforting. I got some candy for the kids as a treat, I got it on amazon, its a reeces gift box, with a bunch of things in it, I had to hide it on the kids or they’d eat the lot, especially darina, she’s very sweet toothed. But earlier I let them have a pack of reeces peanut butter cups, there were 3 big cups in the pack. That was their treat for the weekend. They really enjoyed them too, a bunch of the kids were all huddled up together as they shared the candy and savoured the taste of the peanut butter and chocolate. It was so sweet to see them all so happy. I sometimes obsess about dieting and I forget the kids have needs and dont care about dieting. Well some do, like Emily, but most of the younger littles dont. Anyways, think I’ve rambled on enough now, so I’ll post this and go read my book for a bit. I have 3 and a half hours of this book to go. I want to finish it before Thursday, as the new Cathy glass book comes out on thursday and I want to read it as soon as its out.

Author: Carol anne

I am 40 years young. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

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