Abandonment hurts so much…

Monday during our therapy session we talked about abandonment, and how a lot of the professionals we dealt with over the years, who worked with us, would leave. They’d start out fascinated by us, and our diagnosis, then, after a few months, they’d leave. We were really effected a lot by some of them, especially by our old therapist Attracta. We saw attracta in 2000 for 9 months, she left then, saying that she lost her objectivity around our case. It upset us deeply, but she did tell us it wasnt our fault, and her leaving had nothing to do with us, she was an amazing therapist, and I still think of her every day, I dont really have a choice, as some of our littles were really attached to her, mainly emily, and darina, darina would email her and write her notes and stuff. When therapy with her ended, Emily tried to kill us six months later because she couldnt get over her leaving. There was also a nurse who worked with us in 2006, emma was her name. She was a young nurse, and she would meet with us weekly, she was pretty fascinated by our did, and some of the kids would chat to her, we were pretty unstable at the time, but elaine, whose five, and adelle whose four would come out and draw her pictures, chat to her, and make cd’s and give them to her. She came into our session one week, handed us an envelope. It contained all of the cd’s and pictures, she said she couldnt keep them, her boss had said she was to give them back to us. Of course this sparked a huge upset, so much upset that we actually ended up going into the hospital that night. She pretty much abandoned us after that, saying we were just too complex. That hurt a lot, but I think her giving the kids back their stuff hurt way more. So anyway, eileen was so kind to the kids on Monday, she said how she could see how they’d be so afraid to put their trust in anyone now, that trusting lead them to be hurt, but the thing is, they do trust her, most of them do anyway, and the ones who dont, still want to, but they’re too scared to try. Maybe in time they will, who knows.

Author: Carol anne

I am 40 years young. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

4 thoughts on “Abandonment hurts so much…”

  1. I fear losing my therapist, so I understand. I had one who changed jobs, so she referred me to someone she trusted and that has worked out very well. But it was still a very difficult adjustment for me, and I don’t have all the little ones inside. So I can’t imagine how tough it has been to for you to make those changes. I really like it when you explain things like this, it helps me get a glimpse of how it is for you. You really do a great job coping and functioning and smiling!!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I totally understand one of your littlies wanting to end that abandonment pain, Carol Anne. I have had terrible breaks with several therapists and its one of the hardest things you can go through.. the thing is you DID live through it and I am so glad you have great support now. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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