The depression monster!

I feel so depressed tonight! I’ve been laying here thinking. Dangerous to do but I’m doing it anyway.
I feel so worthless. Like I’m feeling trapped in my own mind. My thoughts whirling and swirling.
I hate it. I want this darn feeling to fucking end!
Life sucks when your depressed. And I felt so good earlier today when I got my nails done. It was a treat to actually go get them done. I felt pretty. But now, that feeling has turned to “I am ugly” “I didnt deserve to go get my nails done” so why did I bother?
Who cares about me?
Deep down I know people care, but I wish I felt like they did.
I feel horrible. I feel so alone. Lonely. I’m heading into crisis. I just know it.
I dont know what I will do. Probably stay up all night ruminating. More than likely thats what will happen. My mind wont shut up. Or off.
Now I have heightened anxiety also. I already took meds for it. I’ve got nothing else to take.
I guess its put up and shut up!

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Author: Carol anne

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

23 thoughts on “The depression monster!”

  1. Hi, its just me, Heather. Could you maybe find something that you can do to help someone else? When I feel worst, I find its better for me to find something that I can control or something that that I can do to help someone else, or even just for my own place. Even if its just rearranging my socks drawer or cleaning out my pantry. It helps me to put something in order and make it better than it was before. Maybe figure out who you could send a little letter to to remind them that you are thinking of them? I hope you know that I think about you and always wish you well.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Belated hugs. You rock, Lady! You deserve all your nails done and any other treat you can think of! This too shall pass! One thing I learned from therapy and mindfulness is the fact that these states of anxiety and depression fluctuate like waves. They come and go. And once I started telling myself ” this will go” instead of “I’m heading into crisis” I was able to find solutions. You can do it! πŸ™‹β€β™€οΈπŸ

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m so sorry you’re struggling so much. Sending lots of hugs and positive thoughts. I get it, for me things often go downhill like this too when I do something nice for myself and then I feel like shit. I hope you feel at least a little better right now and that the night was manageable.

    Liked by 1 person

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