From Em feel so triggered

i feel sad. my mom and dad were lecturing me about food. and eating. and they was asking why im not eating much. i dont want to eat. i feel fat. i feel like food is my enemy. it just triggers me. i did eat dinner, but i only ate a small portion, i ate one scoop of potato, some vegetables, one slice of roast beef and one roast potato. thats all i can manage. mom wanted to know what is wrong with me. i didnt tell her. i dont wanna talk about it with them. its too hard. i dont feel hungry. i just have no appetite, and i feel triggered.
butterfly hugs,
love
em

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Author: Carol anne

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

24 thoughts on “From Em feel so triggered”

  1. Hey em,

    Sometimes parents show concern in really challenging ways. They shouldn’t have been lecturing. Gentle curiosity and non judgement from them would be so much more helpful. I’m glad you ate some food because the body needs fuel. Take care.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I can hardly eat anything, I think Iโ€™m slipping back into my eating disorder days, that is what I think is happening, are used to be really bad, I am the altar in the system who has bumilia butterfly hugs love em ๐Ÿ˜

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Even with eating disorders, they’re not helping by lecturing. Yes they’re probably worried but scolding won’t help you feel safe. Firmness can be paired with empathy and compassion. em, you deserve safety, does Eileen know you’re struggling? Butterfly hugs, I like them tooโค๏ธ

        Liked by 2 people

  2. Very sorry! Hugs to you! Everyone does need to eat, but lecturing someone to eat isn’t the correct way to go about it. I hope Eileen can help you. Help you to feel good about yourself, don’t judge yourself on looks!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Itโ€™s hard not to, I was told so often by my abusers how ugly I was and if I was just skinnier they wouldnโ€™t be doing what they did to me, I know itโ€™s messed up but thatโ€™s what happened when I was a kid XOXO love Emily

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  3. Is there someone else in the system you could ask to try to explain to your mom why being scolded about food is destabilizing for you? I remember your mom is trying lately to understand some of your triggers in ways she used to not be able to. I’m glad that’s the case, but these kinds of talks are always hard, even if the parent is trying. It might be easier for you if you could give that responsibility to someone else in the system who is more comfortable saying “we struggle with eating, so it would be helpful if you are concerned to say this instead, so we are less triggered.” If you know you struggle with a particular trigger, it is okay to ask for help to talk about it from others, both within the system and outside it (like asking Eileen or Dr. Berry to help you write out in advance what you might want to say next time you are lectured at about food and you start to feel shut down).

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am going to talk more to Doctor Barry this week about it. See what she says. Not sure my mum will be very understanding. She doesnโ€™t really get it but I know sheโ€™s trying lately so I will try to talk to her ๐Ÿ˜—๐Ÿ’ž

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