Productive appointment with Dr. Barry

ITS LIZ. WE JUST GOT DONE SEEING DR. BARRY.
IT WAS A GREAT APPOINTMENT. WE DISCUSSED SO MUCH DURING THE HOUR WE WERE IN WITH HER.
EMILY TALKED TO HER, SHE WANTED TO TALK ABOUT OUR WEIGHT, AS SHE IS STRUGGLING A LOT WITH HAVING GAINED WEIGHT. SHE ASKED DR. BARRY IF THERE WAS ANY POSSIBILITY THAT WE COULD GO BACK TO THE NUTRITIONIST WE WERE SEEING A FEW YEARS AGO, BUT DR. BARRY SAID THAT SHE DOESNT DO INDIVIDUAL WEIGHT LOSS WORK ANY LONGER, SHE ONLY DOES GROUP SEMINARS NOW. SO THAT WON’T BE AN OPTION. EMILY FINDS THE SLIMMING WORLD GROUP VERY HIGH PRESSURED, AND COMPETITIVE. IT KIND OF TRIGGERS HER ED BEHAVIOURS. SHE HAS AGREED FOR NOW TO LET ME OR CAROL ANNE HANDLE IT. WE’VE MADE THE DECISION TO START REALLY FOCUSING BACK ON OUR DIET AGAIN. I TEXTED SARAH OUR SLIMMING WORLD CONSULTANT A FEW MINUTES AGO, AFTER DR. BARRY ENCOURAGED ME TO DO IT. I WANTED TO KNOW WHEN MY NEXT PAYMENT WAS DUE, AND I ASKED HER WHEN DOES SHE THINK THE GROUP MEETINGS IN PERSON MEETINGS WILL START GOING AHEAD AGAIN. I HAVENT GONE ON ZOOM, I HAVENT GONE ON ANY GROUP CALLS ON THERE. ITS JUST NOT THE SAME AND I DONT FEEL WE GET AS MUCH OUT OF THEM AS WE DO FROM FACE TO FACE MEETINGS. DURING LOCKDOWN WE’VE BEEN REALLY STRUGGLING AND HAVE GAINED ABOUT 15 OR 16 POUNDS. ITS SO DISHEARTENING. BUT WE’RE FOCUSED NOW, SO WE SHOULD START LOSING AGAIN BY NEXT WEEK. DR. BARRY SAID THAT EVEN IF KAREN THE NUTRITIONIST WAS DOING INDIVIDUAL ONE TO ONE WORK, SHE SAID SHE WOULDNT HAVE REFERRED US BACK TO HER, AS SHE FEELS ITS GOOD FOR US TO GET INVOLVED IN GROUP WORK, AND NOT JUST ONE TO ONE THERAPY. SHE SAID WE’VE BEEN CONSISTENT ABOUT LOSING WEIGT OVER THE PAST 2 YEARS, SO SHE KNOWS WE CAN DO IT AGAIN. I DO HAVE TO SAY I AGREE WITH HER. I THINK ONCE WE GET GOING WE’LL BE FINE AND THE WEIGHT WILL FLY OFF. WE TALKED ABOUT OUR ANXIETY AND SHE ENCOURAGED US TO TAKE THE XANAX IN THE SHORT TERM, SO FOR THE NEXT 3 DAYS WE’RE TO TAKE IT 2 TIMES A DAY. JUST WHILE THE ANXIETY IS REALLY BAD. SHE SAID AGAIN ITS JUST A SHORT TERM THING, AND WE CANT STAY ON IT LONGTERM AS IT CAUSES DEPENDENCY. WE ALSO HAVE FENERGAN BUT I HATE TO TAKE IT BECAUSE I FEEL REALLY GROGGY AND OUT OF IT THE NEXT MORNING. WE HAVE IT THOUGH IF WE NEED IT WHICH IS GOOD I GUESS. WE TALKED ABOUT THE WEEK AHEAD, AND I ASKED HER IF WE COULD BE REFERRED TO THE WEEKEND TEAM FOR EXTRA SUPPORT. WE ARENT GOING TO OUR PARENTS THIS COMING WEEKEND. OUR DAD TRIGGERS US SO MUCH, AND I JUST CANT DEAL WITH HIS STUFF ON TOP OF MY OWN STUFF THAT IS GOING ON. SO DR. BARRY AGREED TO REFER US TO THE WEEKEND TEAM. THEY WILL RING US ON SATURDAY MORNING AND ARRANGE A VISIT, AND WE WILL HAVE TO GO UP TO THE HOSPITAL TO SEE THEM, ON BOTH SATURDAY AND SUNDAY. THATS OK WITH ME, I DONT MIND HAVING TO DO THAT. USUALLY THEY’D COME OUT TO YOUR HOME, BUT DUE TO CORONAVIRUS THEY ARENT DOING THAT NOW. THE EXTRA SUPPORT WILL REALLY HELP I’M SURE. PLUS, WE HAVE ALL OF OUR OTHER ONLINE SUPPORT, OUR EMAIL GROUP, OUR BLOG, OUR FRIENDS VIA TEXT, FACEBOOK ETC. WE TALKED ABOUT THE FACT THAT LAST FRIDAY NIGHT, WE WERENT DOING WELL, A FRIEND WHO READS OUR BLOG MESSAGED OUR MOM, SHE TOLD US SHE DID IT BECAUSE SHE WAS WORRIED ABOUT US. SO WE DECIDED TO GO TALK TO OUR MOM AND TELL HER HOW WE WERE FEELING. THAT TOOK SO MUCH COURAGE. IT WAS A HUGE STEP FOR ME. SO I WENT OUT AND MOM WAS OUT IN THE LIVING ROOM AND WE SAT AND I TOLD HER I WASNT FEELING GOOD MENTALLY, THAT I’D BEEN FEELING SUICIDAL LAST WEEK, AND THAT I AM STRUGGLING. SHE SAID SHE GUESSED I WAS. I ASKED HER HOW SHE KNEW, AND SHE SAID CALL IT A MOTHERS INSTINCT, BUT SHE KNEW WHEN I RANG HER LAST TUESDAY TO ASK IF I COULD COME OVER TO STAY FOR A FEW DAYS, SHE KNEW THEN SOMETHING WAS VERY WRONG. I TOLD HER I AM STRUGGLING EVERY DAY TO GET THROUGH THE DAY, AND THAT ITS A REAL STRUGGLE TO LIVE WITH DID, THAT I FIND IT SO HARD TO KEEP ON GOING SOMETIMES. SHE DIDNT REALLY GET IT, BUT SHE KINDA UNDERSTOOD, AND SHE DIDNT SHUT ME DOWN, SHE LISTENED, AND SHE TRIED TO BE SUPPORTIVE. I SAID THAT JUST BECAUSE I ACT HAPPY AROUND MY FAMILY, DOESNT MEAN I AM HAPPY, AND MY MOM WAS LIKE, WELL, WHAT IS KILLING YOURSELF GOING TO SOLVE? DR. BARRY SAID ITS REALLY GREAT THAT WE HAD A CONVERSATIOIN BECAUSE A FEW YEARS AGO WE WOULDNT HAVE DONE THAT. SHE SAID ITS A TESTAMENT TO HOW FAR WE’VE COME IN OUR RELATIONSHIP. I AGREED. WE TALKED ABOUT MY OWN STRUGGLE WITH SELF HARM URGES, AND I TOLD DR. BARRY NOT TO WORRY, THAT I WOULDNT DO ANYTHING TO HARM MYSELF, ITS JUST THAT I THINK ABOUT IT A LOT, BUT I DONT THINK I’D ACT ON THE URGES. WE TALKED ABOUT EILEEN AND I TOLD HER I WAS GOING TO TEXT HER ON WEDNESDAY TO SEE HOW SHE’S DOING AS WE’RE STILL VERY WORRIED ABOUT HER. SHE ASKED ME HAD INSIDERS BEEN EMAILING EILEEN, AND I SAID NO, BECAUSE WE DONT WANT TO OVERWHELM OR BOTHER HER TOO MUH WHILE SHE’S ILL. JUST TEXTING ONCE OR TWICE A WEEK FOR A FEW MINUTES SEEMS TO SOOTHE US AND REASSURES THE KIDS, PLUS, WE KEEP ALL OF EILEENS MESSAGES AND WE REREAD THEM OVER AND OVER WHEN WE’RE STRUGLING. AGAIN DR. BARRY SAID THATS A BIG STEP FORWARD FOR US, THAT SHE’S PROUD OF US FOR TRYING TO MANAGE THINGS WITHOUT EILEENS SUPPORT. I’M PROUD OF US ALSO. ITS A REAL STRUGGLE TO DO IT BUT WE’RE DOING IT. WE’LL BE GOING BACK TO SEE DR BARRY AGAIN NEXT WEEK, ON MONDAY. SHE’S BEEN SO SUPPORTIVE TO US THESE LAST COUPLE OF WEEKS, WE’RE SO LUCKY TO HAVE HER, WE KNOW THAT. WE REEALLY DO HAVE INCREDIBLE SUPPORT. FOR THAT I AM ETERNALLY GRATEFUL.
LIZ

[TAGS SUPPORT, RECOVERY, DOCTOR, THERAPY, ALTERS,
PTSD, ANXIETY, MEDICATION, MENTAL ILLNESS, ATTACHMENT, PSYCHIATRIST, STRESS,
DISTRESS, EMOTIONS, HEALING, DISSOCIATION, DISSOCIATIVE IDENTITY DISORDER,
PARTS, TRAUMA, COPING, WEIGHT LOSS, DEPRESSION, SUICIDE, SELF
HARM]

Author: Carol anne

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

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