Swallowed up by depression

Trigger warning ahead. Talk of depression, suicide, self harm and emotional overwhelm.
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trigger warning!
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I AM FEELING SO DEPRESSED. I FEEL SO NUMB. I WANT TO END IT. DONT WORRY, I PROBABLY WONT. I MEAN WANTING TO AND DOING IT ARE TOO DIFFERENT THINGS. JUST BECAUSE I SAID I WANT TO DOESNT MEAN THAT I WILL. I HAVE THE MEANS, BUT I AM NOT ON MY OWN, THANK GOD. IF I WAS I’D PROBABLY TAKE EVERY SINGLE MED THAT I HAVE. I’M SO DONE. I FEEL SO LOW. SO VERY LOW.
I CANT TELL ANYONE HERE. MY PARENTS WOULDNT UNDERSTAND. THEY’D TELL ME TO QUIT WHINING. I KNOW THEY WOULD. HELL, ONLY TODAY MY MOM WAS SHING HOW IF ANYTHING HAPPENED TO HER THAT I NEED TO NOT GO DOWNHILL, BECAUSE ITS NOT FAIR ON MY SISTER, SHE HAS HER OWN FAMILY TO THINK OF AND SHE CANT BE WORRYING ABOUT ME.
WAY TO MAKE ME FEEL SUPER BAD ABOUT MYSELF!
I HATE LIFE SOMETIMES. I MEAN A LOT OF THE TIME. I CANT DO THIS. I JUST CANT. I’M SPENT.
DONT KNOW HOW I’LL GET THROUGH THE NIGHT TONIGHT. I’M SO EXHAUSTED BUT I KNOW I WONT SLEEP. I’M TOO WOUND UP. TOO UPSET. TOO OVERWHELMED. I’M TOO EMOTIONAL.
I REALLY WISH I WASNT ME RIGHT NOW. SOMEONE GIVE ME A WORD OF ADVICE, WISDOM, OR WHATEVER. I NEED IT SO BADLY.
SORRY IF THIS MESSAGE HAS UPSET ANYONE. DONT WORRY, I’LL BE SAFE. I’LL STAY SAFE. I GUESS I JUST NEEDED TO VENT. HAVING A MENTAL ILLNESS, OR MENTAL ILLNESSES IN MY OUR CASE, REALLY FUCKING SUCKS.
LIZ

Author: Carol anne

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

19 thoughts on “Swallowed up by depression”

  1. Sometimes our parents do not think what they are saying and how it is going to affect us. I finally have gotten to a point where I can tell my mom I do not appreciate what came out of her mouth. I live with depression. I take my meds. I also realized that I am not accountable to anyone other than myself for how I think and feel. Not everyone likes me. Not everyone likes how I live my life. Truth is I don’t care. It is my life. These are my decisions. I am responsible for myself and my son. Sending you hugs. I do know how difficult it is when one feels alone. I can give no advice but I can tell you what has worked for me. Big Big Big Bear Hug from me to you. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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