struggling…Plummeting

I am really struggling. My mental health has plummeted. I feel very distressed, very down, very overwhelmed, and emotionally unwell.
Dr. Barry has offered to see me face to face again. We had an apt yesterday, a phone apt. She said if I wanted to I could come in, its the only way I’ll get to sort out my meds, and try to fix this.
The ptsd and dissociation are so bad. I’m trying to manage, but its getting harder and harder, I’m honestly faking it, I go through each day trying to fake it until I make it. Its not good.
I dont want to end up in the hospital. I jus cant go there right now. I want to do something to fix this situation.
I am a bit scared, I am scared of my emotions, I’m in a very bad headspace at the moment, and on most nights my sleep is fucked. Like tonight. I only slept for 3 hours. I’ve been awake now since 12:30. I lay back down for an hour but I didnt sleep. I couldnt sleep.
I am so hoping going in to see Dr. Barry in person is going to help me. At least it’ll be better than trying to discuss things over the phone. It has to be better than that. We can have a good long discussion and maybe come up with a plan. My fingers are crossed.
But I have to wait 2 weeks now before I see her. I hope I can cope for the next 2 weeks. I might be doing a lot of writing on here and needing a lot of extra support.

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Author: Carol anne

I am in my mid 40's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

31 thoughts on “struggling…Plummeting”

  1. I’ll be praying for you. Seeing Dr. Barry should help, my Dr. (actually a Nurse Practitioner) always helps when I see her. I hope you don’t wind up in the hospital either. It’s been 5 years for me, I was pretty upset then that I wound up there, but Karla reminded me of an article in BP Magazine (do you have mental health/illness magazines like BP for bipolar, SZ for Schizophrenia, and Esperanza for depression/anxiety like we do in the states?) That article said that you should not consider a trip to the hospital as a failure, but rather a “reset”. Something we all hope we’ll never need again, but not the end of the world.

    I’m going to bed soon and have to work tomorrow, so it’ll be a while until I see anything from you, but I’ll be thinking good thoughts and praying.

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  3. Have you ever tried Valerian root or sleep hypnosis? Both are a wonderful tool in my arsenal my friend. I can relate to what you wrote here because I spent years in that same cycle. I feel that’s what you’re caught up in currently, like a spin cycle. I will be praying for you. Here’s to dreamland🙏

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    1. Btw, I have a playlist on YouTube for sleep hypnosis, I highly recommend John Moyer. You just push play and boom….out. There’s also this app called Calm, not sure if it is available outside the US but it has many storytellers and calming effects, music etc that lull you to sleep. You’ve got to break up the thoughts. Remember, you are not your thoughts my dear. You simply are and that’s a wonderfully kind and sweet lady Carol Anne❤

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  11. Sending s big hug. Good that you can see Dr Barry. Thst will help and I know you will manage. You have shared so many crisis since we know each other and you have managed them all with strength and grace. My thoughts and prayers are with you 🙋‍♀️🤭

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