Well, Em had a bad night. She was struggling a lot tonight. She finally got some sleep and she is now sleeping. But I am wide awake. I am worried about her. She has been so depressed lately. Its such a worry. We that is myself and liz, and jade, have been trying to help her best as we can. The thing is though, she doesnt want to talk to us. She keeps everything to herself. Jade lives with her, in the area inside where Emily lives, and she has said she’ll keep an eye on her. I worry when she is so suicidal. She can be quite impulsive. And she has an ability to block the rest of us from knowing what she’s doing, and she can block us from having control of the body, if she wants to as well, I need to try to keep focused, and keeping a close eye on whose out, what they are doing when they are out etc. I’ve told emily she isnt to come out if she feels suicidal, unless myself or Liz or Jade are close by to watch her. She has agreed to this. I’ve taken all of our meds, and hid them. The last thing I want is for her to get hold of our meds and take the whole lot, which is something that could easily happen when she gets the urge to die and because she is so impulsive at times. Her depression debilitates her. You can tell, just from looking at her that she’s not ok. Did you ever walk into a room with someone whose depressed and the energy in the room feels awful? The air is heavy, the atmosphere is heavy? That is how it is here when Emilys out. She says she feels flat, and she has no energy to care. thats the worry, when she has no energy to care. i’ve told her she can write to people, on our email list, and on our blog over the next few days for support and she said she would do that. she’ll also talk to eileen on monday I hope. I’ve emailed eileen to fill her in on the situation. Just one more day to get through before we see eileen. Thank god.