Its emily

hihihihii everyone
its me em. for those who might not know, i am an insider, i am 12.
i’ve been feeling real bad lately. i am very depressed.
i talked to eileen yesterday, and she helped me.
we talked about how much i hate my body. i hate how I look. I hate everything about me.
eileen said I am beautiful, precious, lovable, kind, caring, and she said she’ll keep telling me those things until i believe her.
that might be a while. but i am trying to believe her.
i want to believe her because i trust her, and she makes me feel loved and safe.
i’ve been throwing up a lot lately, becaue my body feels disgusting and awful and i feel fat and unlovable.
i know i shouldnt throw up but i cant help it.
eileen said we’ll keep talking about stuff and processing it.
she is going to hold some of my memories in a huge container and keep them in her office far away from me.
i just feel so sad lately. my heart is broken.
i have been suicidal too. thoughts about ending it are constantly in my head.
jade encouraged me to write here, she said everyone who reads our blog is very supportive and that you’d all be nice to me.
im just scared about the thoughts in my head.
im scared of myself. and of what I might do.
butterfly hugs,
love, em age 12

Author: Carol anne

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

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