i dont wanna go

its me emily
i dont wanna go to dublin this weekend
im so scared
but we’re going, cuz carol anne says we has to
she said she promised our friend
and he’s countin on us to go visit him
he’s been lonely and he needs the company
but im so scared of bein back there
back where all of our abuse happened
he lives close to where the school we went to is
thats gone now
its closed down
but im afraid what if we bump into someone we know
carol anne says we’re not going out anywhere
so we wont
but im still afraid
i just feel so trigered
every time i think of it
my heart starts thumping
and i start shakin real bad
we are going
but i thinks im going to have ta talk to eileen today
and work something out
for the kids
so we dont trigger everybody bad
and mabe eileen will allow me to text her
when we’re there
to check in
i hope shell say i can
butterfly hugs
love, em

Author: Carol anne

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

11 thoughts on “i dont wanna go”

  1. I understand your anxiety, Em. I’m sure that you’ll be safe though and will be keeping you in my thoughts. I hope you can work something out with Eileen to feel better over the weekend and manage the triggers. Huge hugs. 🙂


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