Its Emily. Im really struggling!

hhihihii everyone
its me em. and im feeling so sad! im realy struggling!

ive been strugling with not wanting to eat. carol anne says we have to. but i feel so fat! i dont want the food! i just feel huge! like i’m a fat pig! food makes me want to throw up!

we’re suposed to be having stirfry for dinner. chicken stirfry. i gess i’ll have to try to let the others eat it. if i could, i’d just starve! i just dont like food!

can i ask something? those of you who’ve seen photos of us, do you think we’re huge? very fat? i worry we are. i know we’re losing weight, but i still worry, im so afraid to get to fat and what if we get sick and stuff!

and my abusers always told me if i was thin they wouldnt hurt me! they said perfect girls are skinny and i wasnt skinny, i was fat!

do you think they lied? i tried to be perfect but i never could be!

well i gess ill go now. we do got to eat. even if i dont feel up to it. i know the rest of them in here want food!

so glad ill be talking to eileen later! i feel so glad we get to chat with her! we need her reassurance! i do! i need to hear her sootheing and calm voice saying it’ll all be ok!

butterfly hugs,
loves you,
Emily, age 12

Author: Carol anne

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

24 thoughts on “Its Emily. Im really struggling!”

  1. I’m so sorry you’re struggling so much with food, Emily. Don’t know if it’ll be of any help but last year my Mum saw your Youtube channel, when you posted a video about Misha – the rabbit I sent you (guess it was Lexi) – and my Mum said you look very pretty. You’re doing really good with your weight loss guys.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. The body that you share is absolutely perfect just the way it is. And your abusers lied. The kind of people who are awful enough to abuse others always lie.

    I hope you have a good talk with Eileen!


  3. Who on this planet is able to judge what is perfect and what isn’t? We are all so different, different cultures, different skin colors, different areas we live at, different things the individual likes or dislikes, and most of all everybody has a different story… So, how can anyone dare to claim what is perfect? It is mostly those who need to convince others about their opinion because of their own low self-esteem.
    Don’t ever listen to those who don’t appreciate you. They only think of themselves. And btw. whatever others say to you has more to do with them than with you.
    What you need to do is enjoy yourself, Emily. Sending you big hugs 💖


  4. People who love us don’t judge our weight, they love the person inside. I’m glad you have nice people around you now and lots of internet friends cheering for your success in feeling good about yourself. Big hugs from the USA


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