working on us week 13, sleep issues!

tonight for beckys working on us prompt, I am going to write a narrative, not exactly following the rules, but oh well. It is what it is, I just felt like writing down my thoughts on sleep and the issues surrounding it.
I dont sleep well at all. I suffer from dreadful insomnia. I also suffer from racing thoughts and super bad anxiety at night. I get intrusive flashbacks, nightmares, and really worrying thoughts, my mind goes 100 miles a minute at night. As soon as it gets dark, it starts. If I get 2 or 3 hours of sleep at night, its a lot. I do get a good night every now and then, but I have to be extremely exhausted for that to happen. Usually after 3 or 4 days of little to no sleep, I will crash hard, and it catches up with me.
I’ve tried a lot of things to help me sleep. Usually when I am unable to sleep I will write, I listen to music or watch tv or I read. I also sometimes take a hot shower, showering helps me calm down, and whenI write or journal it is theraputic.
I do take medication also to help me sleep. It mostly doesnt work though. I take fenergan and prazosin although the prazosin is going to be a no go soon and so I will move on to another med instead.
My symptoms always seem worse at night. I wish this wasnt the case. I know sleep is important so I do try to get it when I can.

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Author: Carol Anne

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

21 thoughts on “working on us week 13, sleep issues!”

  1. You and I have that in “Crash” thing in common. I could go for days with only 2-3 hours of sleep, then all of a sudden, I’m out for a day. One of the things I do avoid when I can’t sleep is turn on the computer, phone, Ipad, etc… It disrupts me even more.
    When are you seeing your doctor next and discussing changing your meds?
    Thank you again for participating in Week #13 of “Working on Us” Always a pleasure to hear your view on the topic of the week. 💚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Not easy riding the constant Roller Coaster Beckie eh!

      I can relate first hand I am lucky if I get 2-3 hrs to sleep some nights I will have anywhere to 3-4 episodes.

      And things have escalated getting more intense and violent when I’m enduring I am 9 yr old version of myself.

      I tried to ask for desperate help to be rescued when I was 10 and ppl I thought I could trust mocked and laughed at me told me to stop telling stories. I was terrified when they called (it) because I vowed that night I would never see the sunrise again. But that would just be too fucking easy right…

      Where is the fun in that when I still hadn’t outlived my usefulness.

      https://evolutionofselffeedyourhunger.wordpress.com

      https://evolutionofselffeedyourhunger.wordpress.com/2019/08/12/the-roller-coaster-affect/

      Slainte

      Alex

      Like

      1. Me too my life and value and I am here because of me and having the Raven look in on me not sure who it was but I strongly believe it was me Dad watching over me from assignment in spirit.

        “Many cultures the Raven is known as
        Guardian Protector”

        https://evolutionofselffeedyourhunger.wordpress.com/2019/06/09/dark-guardian/

        tá neart i gcónaí liom agus mé ag ardú thuas

        strength is always with me I rise above

        Luas Dia i do thuras- God speed in your Journey Carol Anne

        Slainte

        Like

  2. I can relate first hand

    I said before when I am able to lay to rest I do because riding the constant Roller Coaster that there is no getting off of.

    I may have up 3-4 episodes a night fewer if I am lucky, but also know when I am at peace it is just a mirage because I know what awaits me.

    Lot of ppl don’t seem to realize that when I am in these vicious, surreal nightmares I am the 9 yr old version of myself. My abuser and terrorizer the one suppose to be there the most, You gave me life granted but I owe fucking nothing.

    Violence and intensity are climaxing not in a good way there are many times I awaken in violent disturbance and I am soaked of have blood dripping down my nose.

    So I know you need sleep but I try to prolong it as much as I can because again I know what awaits me.

    https://evolutionofselffeedyourhunger.wordpress.com/2019/08/12/the-roller-coaster-affect/

    Slainte

    Alex

    Like

      1. Thanks Carol Anne lot of ppl think there is one size fits all but that is someone whom has no fucking clue what they are talking about or walked any steps in the shoes of those who live it and endured for so many years in perscution and sunjected into Hell.

        Like I said I am here becauuse of ME !

        https://evolutionofselffeedyourhunger.wordpress.com/2019/07/29/forged-through-the-fires-of-precision/

        éirí ina chlaíomh de chiontú-Become the Sword of Coviction.

        Luas Dia i do thuras

        Alex

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I thankfully don’t suffer from insomnia that much anymore, but when I did, it was like you describe, my mind going 100 milies a minute. I am so sorry Phenergan isn’t working for you.

    Like

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