Fowc:so many layers

When you have did, there are so many layers at least for us there are anyway, I think its pretty similar for most did folk. We have tons of alters, because we are a polyfrggmented system. That means, there are more than a hundeed alters. The way our system works, there are sub systems, in the main system. So there is the outer layer, and then more inner layers.  then there are also some alters who have insiders of their own, so they have their own alters inside of themselves. I know its confusing, it is for us too.  We’re still getting to know Emilys insiders, she’s been working hard with Eileen in therapy, she knows them, but the rest of us we don’t know a whole lot about them. She keeps them very protected, and they in turn protect her.  Sometimes Emilys insiders will pretend to be Emily, so that we don’t know its actually one of them whose out. Did is a complicated thing.  Then in our system there are darks, and lights, the darks have been subjected to a lot of abuse, some of the lights have too, but mainly, the lights are out to help, protect the body, they are cooperative, they are helpful, they want to do good all of the time. The darks on the other hand, they are destructive, non cooperative, and they don’t want to help the system, but now some of ours are changing, they’ve been doing a lot of hard work in therapy, and I applaud that. They’ve been so courageous, discussing their memories, changing roles, getting new roles etc. Having did is definitely a roller coaster ride. I wouldn’t change it though. Not for anything. I guess I am just so used to it now.

 

FOWC with Fandango — Layer

 

 

Author: Carol Anne

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

4 thoughts on “Fowc:so many layers”

  1. It’s understandable that you wouldn’t change it now. All of your alters are a part of you, so, while I can only imagine how it feels like to have a system of insiders, I think it would feel awkward if you suddenly would lose them, and would possibly be quite difficult to adjust. It may be not good to have it, but it’s what you know. I guess it’s all the same for those of us who are blind. I think I would freak out if I was suddenly to become sighted.

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