I am feeling really suicidal

I am spiraling out of control. I feel really down and depressed. It has come on me all of a sudden. I woke with nightmares, and it went from there. Right now I want to just end it. I feel so bad. Dont worry, I probably wont do anything stupid, mainly because, I am seeing dr. barry this morning. I feel so bad though. The suicidal thoughts are so strong. They are overwhelming me. I am trying everything to feel better. Nothings working. I just feel like total shit right now. Thank god for dr. barry. I will talk to her today and see what she says. I know some of this is down to some alters struggling, they’ve been struggling, emily has, and liz has, but they’ve been trying to stay strong, its so hard for emily, she’s only a kid only 12. She worries me, as in the past she’s tried overdosing many, many times. I get worried when she is struggling. It frightens me that we could attempt it. Liz frightens me too, as she self harms, and cutting is her main form of self harm, so when she struggles with suicidal ideation, it can be dangerous for us. Its a pity eileen is not around, we could really use her support right now. I am thankful that we can be honest with dr. barry though, that helps. I am so glad we have her. Maybe Emily and Liz might either talk directly to her today, or else maybe if they are feeling up to it they’ll write something later on today on the blog.
For now though, I am not sure what to do. I feel emotional, overwhelmed, agitated, and not in the least bit strong.

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Author: Carol anne

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

26 thoughts on “I am feeling really suicidal”

  1. I feel so bad for you… I just got to the computer for the first time since last night, and I just saw this. I see more posts from you after this one, I’ll read them soon.

    Like

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