Solstace ug

Today is the summer solstice, one of the worst days for us. Its because of SRA, for those who don’t know we are survivors of a cult, and survivors of ritualistic abuse, and the cult used the solstice as a time to abuse us, it was a major cult holiday.
We’ve been feeling off all evening. I ate to try to cope with how I was feeling. I got take away food, something I haven’t done since Christmas, I’m sorry I did that now. But I just wanted to purge the feelings, stuff them down. I didn’t want to have to feel them.
I haven’t slept great tonight. At least Anna got to have a phone check in with Eileen though. She texted Eileen yesterday because she was still feeling upset after receiving an unwanted email the night before, and even though wendy deleted it, she still felt bad. Eileen offered to have a phone check in with her, so we did last night. That felt good, reassuring, calming.
Eileen always knows how to make us feel safe.
She knows just what to say to be reassuring!
I just need to get through today in one piece!
I dont think I’m going to go into work. I don’t feel up to it. I just think I will go to my parents after my pa leaves this morning.
I need to try to take things easy today. Try to relax, and do some self care.

Author: Carol Anne

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

21 thoughts on “Solstace ug”

      1. One moment at a time, you all will get through it. It isn’t easy but with time and trauma processing, hopefully it’ll get a little easier each year! I hope those of you trapped in trauma time will eventually be able to realise with Eileen and others that it’s present time now.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Oh Carol Anne. I had no idea that you are a survivor of that type of abuse. How horruble. I am a survivor of deep abuse too, but of a different kind. Summer zsokstice gets to me too. It is partly beautiful and partly horrible. Light and dark together. I hope for some peace for you today Carol Anne. I hold my hand out to you across the Irish Sea, from England. We will hold hands together. I am not feeling good today either but I will try to occupy myself somehow. Bless you Carol Anbe. SO much love to you. Gentle hugs. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hugs. 🙂 I know you’re struggling today. You’re in my thoughts. I am so glad you have Eileen’s support and that she understands your struggles. I agree with Paula that it can work well when you try replacing the anniversary of something bad with something good on this day that you can think of next time this day comes. It worked for me a couple times to some extent.

    Liked by 1 person

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