I’ve been thinking

So I’ve been thinking. You remember I said I had an opportunity to do a training course in IT and then do a work placement? Well I’ve decided not to go ahead with it. Basically if I was to go ahead with it, I stand to lose my benefits, and I just cant risk that. I need my medical card, I have to continue seeing dr. Barry, I cant lose her and if I lost my medical card I’d lose her too. That just isn’t an option for me. Plus also, the work placement was only for six weeks, and there was no guarantee of employment at the end of it. I am volunteering right now, and the staff at my volunteer job are really good to me, dropping me and picking me up, and generally being very helpful. If I was to do the training and then go into a six week employment somewhere, I might get somewhere really far away and it would cost me a small fortune to get there every day as I am not confident enough to do the route to get to where it would be. So I think this is the best option for me. I texted the person organizing it and I just said something came up and I wouldn’t be able to commit to the training. I left it at that. I’m happy with my decision. It was a nice offer, but for now I dont think it fits my needs. Maybe in the future if things change I can do something like this if its offered again. Also, my depression and mental health issues are not great at the moment, and I wouldn’t want to start into something and then not be able to complete it. And really, losing dr. Barry was the deciding factor, there was never any way that would even be a possibility for me, I am far too attached to her and I need her to function and if I didn’t have her I’d be in a far worse position than I am in right now.

Author: Carol Anne

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

10 thoughts on “I’ve been thinking”

  1. Sounds to me like you’re doing the right thing but wow you’d really lose dr Barry and your benefits if you’d start working?! So does that mean that as long as you need her support or some other psychiatric support you can’t work ’cause you’ll lose it? If it’s like that indeed, it sounds a bit ridiculous to me, like even if you’re functional enough to work, but have mental health issues, you can’t anyway because you’ll be left with nothing. I am both working and on benefits, and there is a limited wage here in Poland that you can earn while being on benefits, but it’s not like that if you start working and having another source of income you lose your benefits. As far as I know, I could even get another job and would still be able to keep my benefits unless I wouldn’t earn too much with this other job. But anyway, good for you that you made such a decision. And I agree that now as you are feeling so depressed, doing a course and then working could be even more overwhelming for you. There still might be another chance for you and I hope there will be one. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. That’s pretty much similar, at least in that way to the US. I work a little, but if I make too much, I lose my benefits. I’m not ready to risk that, since if it happened, It’d be a while ’til I got them back, and they’d be a lot lower than they are now, as they are based on the money you made the last three quarters you worked, and I’d never get a job that paid as much as I used to get. I was in IT, by the way, 3rd tier Unix admin.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. It’s the same here, if it happens, it would be awhile before I get them back, but more than that I’m not willing to risk losing my mental health team just for the sake of a few hours of work

        Liked by 2 people

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