Weel shit!

OMG GUYS! IM STRUGGLING SO DAMN MUCH TONIGHT! CANT COPE WITH THIS LEVEL OF FUCKING ANXIETY! IM REALLY FREAKED OUT! I JUST CANT DEAL! IT FEELS LIKE I’M ABOUT TO EXPLODE! MY HEAD IS SO FULL, BUZZING WITH THOUGHTS, MY EMOTIONS ARE SO ALL OVER THE DAMN PLACE. ITS ALMOST 2 AM. I WENT TO BED EARLY WITH ALL INTENTIONS TO GO TO SLEEP AND STAY ASLEEP. I WAS IN BED BY 9:30. I SLEPT ALL OF ONE HOUR. ONE FUCKIN HOUR GUYS! I WOKE UP AT 10:45 AND I’VE BEEN AWAKE SINCE. I REALLY NEEDE TO GO TO THERAPY TODAY. DAMN DISSOCIATION! BUT I REALLY THINK THERE’S MORE TO IT THAN JUST THE DISSOCIATION, I THINK SOMEONE FROM OUR PAST, A PAST FUCKHEAD ABUSER HAS TOLD PEOPLE NOT TO SHOW UP TO THERAPY NOT TO GO. I EMAILED EILEEN. I TOLD HER HOW I FELT. SHE HASNT RESPONDED BUT THEN SHE NORMALLY DOESNT SO ITS NOT UNUSUAL. THEN MY FUCKIN EMAIL WENT BUST. I HAD TO MAKE A NEW ACCOUNT FOR EMAIL AS WE CANT REMEMBER THE PASSWORD TO GET IN TO OUR OTHER ONE. GO FIGURE. SO NOW I WILL HAVE TO CHANGE ALL OF MY IMPORTANT STUFF OVER TO THIS NEW EMAIL ADDY. I WILL TRY TO UPDATE EVERYONE WITHIN THE NEXT FEW DAYS. IT WAS OUR MAIN EMAIL ACCOUNT TOO, THE ONE THATS UNDER SHIRLEYS NAME. AND ALL OF OUR IMPORTANT STUFF LIKE BILL NOTIFICATIONS AND STUFF GO THROUGH THAT ACCOUNT. SO THAT JUST FUCKING GREAT. I WAS SO PISSED. ALSO BECAUSE ABUSERS WERE CONTACTING US ON THAT ONE, I DECIDED TO JUST WELL DITCH IT WHEN THE PASSWORD WASNT WORKING AND I HAD RANG THE TECH SUPPORT FOR MY ISP AND TRIED TO CHANGE IT BUT COULDNT, SO I JUST SAID FUCK IT ITS PROBABLY FOR THE BEST AND MADE A NEW ONE. ANYWAY. I’M RAMBLING, SORRY GUYS. I KNOW YOUR PROBABLY TIRED OF MY FUCKEDUPNESS. I AM TIRED OF IT TOO.
LIZ

Author: Carol anne

I am in my mid 40's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

30 thoughts on “Weel shit!”

  1. hey breathe deeply, can hear your anxiety but you can and will get through it … have a hot cuppa, watch some tellie … don’t allow it to escalate … breathe deeply, be kind, try to unwind

    Loads of love and big hugs xx

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      7. Volunteer at the radio station, so I was on air, then to the library to recharge my devices, fetched groceries and then bits and pieces at home, thanks for asking 🙂

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  3. I am so sorry you are feeling such strong junk…….it can be scary but you are ok. sometimes listening to music or a podcast or something funny on tv can distract me……..maybe you too?

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  5. Sorry you feel so shitty, Liz. I hope those 3 hours of sleep you got helped at least a little bit and that you’re doing better now. I know email troubles are very frustrating, I had also lost my email account about two years ago, and that was very stressful, but in the end I also realised that it’s actually good as some people that I didn’t feel too comfortable around stopped getting in touch with me. So I hope the same will be true for you and that none of your insiders will give this new email to the abusers so that you can stay safe.

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