Eileen asks me what I think did is?

so an interesting session for me today with eileen. i hadnt been to therapy in ages. i mean we had, but i personally hadnt. and it ended up I didnt even have a whole lot of time, as Shirley was out and needed to talk. But I did have a few minutes at the start, and end of our session. And when I did, we were talking about did, Eileen asked me what I think did is? How would I explain it? That kinda threw me. Not many people ask me that. I said I thought did was many people sharing one body, then that led to her asking me if I know we’re all part of one whole person? I told her I did know we shared a body, but I didnt feel we were part of a whole person. There is no whole. There has never been. She said she understood how I felt. But that her idea was that we’re all parts, parts of a whole. And logically I know this, but well, I guess it doesnt come up to often, so I dont really think about it. I mean, I do know we share a body. I know there arent tons of different people, but I also know as parts, we are individuals, we are separate in that we all have our own feelings on things, ideas about things, etc. Eileen agreed with me on that. She said she realises that we all think about the world differently, express emotions and feelings in our own unique way. She said she is just gently telling me that we’re one being, one body, and parts of a whole. Man! That is a tough one to take. I am my own person, I want to be my own person, I hate that we share a body. Mostly I hate that. Mostly I want my own body. I just want to be me, but deep down I know I have to conform, I have to take the whole system into account when making decisions, i know this. I guess I am just ranting a little because I can, lol. It was just an interesting session to me. We havent actually talked much about did, about what it means and what it is and how we see it. Eileen said the reason she asked us was because the questionaire we did last week, the first question in it says, do you believe you have a diagnosis of did or a dissociative disorder, do you and all parts believe that to be true? We do believe it to be true. That isnt the issue here. But Eileen just wanted our opinion on what we as parts think did is and what it means to us to be did to have that disorder. It was just interesting to me. I have to now go away and reflect on it a little.
carol anne

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Author: Carol Anne

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

8 thoughts on “Eileen asks me what I think did is?”

  1. I think DID must be very hard to accept in some ways, and difficult to live with, I mean besides the obvious things like trauma which no one wants to have and dissociating which makes life harder just technically. I am myself quite a big individualist and I think if I had to share my body and mind with other people it would be incredibly hard for me. You have to make so many compromises, adjust to others inside, their needs and limitations and what they want, and oftentimes just can’t be yourself, especially if your age is very different than the body’s so people’s expectations are different too. Must be very frustrating sometimes.

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  2. Hmmm, I’m glad Eileen brought that up about you all being parts of a whole being. I’d often wondered why you never wanted to integrate. Now I wonder if it is that those of you who are out and active are afraid that if you integrated, you would no longer be Carol Anne, or Liz, or Emily. And yet there are those in your system-such as the boys-who are never out and active; who we never hear from. plus your system being so big that you don’t even know how many parts there are. Interesting that Shirley came out today as she hardly ever does. xxx

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    1. I never ever want to integrate. Its not something I think we could do anyway, even if we wanted to, our system is too complex. Shirley is going to be out more often now, she agreed to work with eileen today and so she’ll be out more now hopefully. XXxx

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