feeling kinda suicidal right now. trying, trying hard to not go there. but the past is being triggered, i am feeling desperate, I feel so alone, right now. So so alone. I just want an end to this triggering, I feel young parts gathering around, being sucked into the past, feeling so triggered, so emotional, they are so vulnerable, they are crying, crying so hard right now.
Its a hard place to be in. I dont know what to do for them. I wish I knew. I feel so sad for them. I want to care for them and look after them but I am unable to right now. I am unable to give them what they desperately crave, which is love, validation, belonging, I tried to give a few of them a hug, but even that isnt coming to easily at the moment.
I guess I’ll keep trying. I feel so low right now. I feel so depressed. My mood is dark, I am in a dark place, I feel like just ending it. Survival is not all that its cracked up to be.
I just want to feel better. Right now that seems like wishful thinking. I think I’ll go take a shower and let the water pour down on me. Feel the water, and breathe, and maybe put on some nice smelling lotion, and maybe then I’ll feel better. I hope so.