I feel so suicidal. I don’t want to be here. My thoughts are so muddled. I want an end to the pain, I want to stop it all, and stop existing. I just want an end to it. I really don’t want to be here. Woke up feeling like this. I just feel so bad. I’m safe, but the thoughts of dying are there. Ug this sucks.

Author: Carol Anne

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

26 thoughts on “Suicidal”

  1. ugh those thoughts are awful, any idea what’s triggered them? Someone in the system or something that’s happened? Hope you can find something to distract yourself today, plenty of self care and little goals you can achieve. Fingers crossed it eases off soon ((hugs)) xx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. We r here.  U r in this moment.  But u r healing ahd fonding waus around these feelings they put there.  U r taking your power bsck.  U matter.  U r making it out.  

    Plese call T for help.  Or Dr B’s office 


    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s the weekend, so I can’t, Doctor Barry wouldn’t be there no one would be in her office, and Eileen well I could call Eileen I guess but I’m not going to, I’m distracting instead, it’s working so far


  3. Oh no! Sweetie, Ive been there too many times. This too shall pass. The world cant afford to be without you. You are sharing on here and doing beautiful things. Please hang in there 🖤


  4. Your life is as valuable as anyone else’s. Your emotions and feelings are temporary. You are far better on this earth than not. You’re important, you matter. Even if you don’t feel it now, I promise you this to will pass. And speaking about it, as you’ve found, you are not alone in these feelings and you have support from those in your current position and those who have made it through them which proves again, it’s only temporary.
    Believe in yourself, you’re stronger then you think. I believe in you.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I hesitated to “like” this, I only did to let you know I am here if you need an ear! I hope you are feeling better now, get on your Netflix and chill out! Us bloggers gotta stick together, girl! Play some hard rock music and dance around. Do you have pets? Give them a cuddle!

    Liked by 2 people

  6. I have been feeling like that for quite a while. I want to tell someone but who do I tell? My parents arent the kind of people who take that srsly and my friends lives were so great before I came along and I keep dragging them into shit like this. Im at a point where I honesty can’t see a future for myself. I have tried making a list of reasons to keep going but I can’t come up with more that 3 or 4 reasons. And the reasons not to live are countless. I feel like if I talk to any of my friends or teachers at school they’ll think I’m attention seeking because that’s part of my reputation as school freak. I just don’t have any motivation to keep going anymore. I give up.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Dont give up! Things can and do get better! The feelings pass! Its tough when they’re there, but they do pass eventually. Can I ask where your located? Im in Ireland. Do you have a therapist, or psychiatrist?


      1. And you cant talk to your family? what about a teacher, are there any you like and trust? Have you ever rang childline? I used to volunteer for them. they have an online platform also.


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