It is taking everything in me not to text Eileen. Text her to ask her to ring me back. I don’t want to bother her though. I know she has college tonight. She teaches on Mondays. So she wouldn’t even be able to call me even if I asked.
Memories are swamping us. I’m drowning here.
I cant stand it. I feel so utterly defeated. I took a shower to try to relax. I used some lotion on my body trying to give myself some sensory input. Trying to distract myself from the horrible thoughts.
I just cant get rid of them. I wish I could hold Eileens hand. Hug her. I wish she would take me in her arms and tell me I’ll be ok. I’m struggling so much to feel her presence right now. Struggling to feel the connection that we have.
If I still feel this way in the morning I might text her. Just for a five min phone check in. I feel like I am going to decompress at any minute. It feels so awful. I just feel like I am sinking fast.