UNHAPPY DARKS

ITS LIZ HERE. IM DEALING WITH A LOT IN MY OWN SYSTEM INSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE DARKS ARE NOT VERY HAPPY. NOT REALLY SURE WHY. WELL THERE IS THE FACT THEY’VE HAD TO DEAL WITH THEIR MEMORIES PRETTY MUCH ON THEIR OWN SINCE THERE WAS NO THERAPY LAST WEEK. EILEEN HAD SAID TO TEXT HER OR EMAIL HER BUT THEY ARE REFUSING TO DO THAT. NOT SURE WHY. I DIDNT EVEN GET TO TELL HER TODAY ABOUT WHAT IS GOING ON. MAYBE I’LL JUST EMAIL HER IN A FEW MINUTES TO TELL HER. I FEEL ITS IMPORTANT SHE KNOWS THEY ARE STRUGGLING. THESE ARENT KIDS EITHER. THEY ARE ADULTS AND TEENS MOSTLY. JUST THAT THEY ARE DARKS IN OUR SYSTEM. IM PRETTY PISSED ACTUALLY ABOUT IT ALL. I DONT LIKE WHEN PEOPLE IN MY SYSTEM ARE ARGUING AND THERE IS A LOT OF THAT SHIT GOING ON RIGHT NOW. A LOT OF INTERNAL FIGHTING AND UNEASE AND UNREST. PEOPLE ARE BEING VERY VIOLENT TOO. ONE OR TWO INSIDERS ARE GOING INTO BLIND RAGES. I’VE HAD TO BREAK UP A FEW FIGHTS LATELY. ITS FRUSTRATING. SO YEAH I THINK AN EMAIL TO EILEEN IS IN ORDER. THE FACT THAT WE HAD THAT ACCIDENT IS SHITTY, BAD TIMING IF YOU ASK ME. WE NEVER DEALT WITH THE HALLOWEEN STUFF THAT CAME UP. NOW HALLOWEEN IS OVER PEOPLE THINK ITS JUST OVER. THE MEMORIES HAVE DISAPPEARED. BUT THEY HAVENT. ITS JUST NOT HOW IT WORKS. THEY STILL RUN FOR US. JUST BECAUSE THE DAY HAS PASSED DOESNT MEAN SHIT TO US REALLY. IM JUST IRRITABLE. AND A LITTLE ANGRY THAT THERAPY WAS TAKEN UP TODAY WITH THAT DAMN ACCIDENT. THAT DAMN DICKHEAD WHO HIT US, SHOULD BE SHOT OR PUNISHED BY SOME OTHER FUCKING MEANS. WHAT AN ASSHOLE. WE HAD TO PROCESS HIS STUPIDITY INSTEAD OF DEALING WITH OUR PAST. DAMN ANYWAY.
LIZ

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Author: Carol Anne

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

14 thoughts on “UNHAPPY DARKS”

  1. I’m sorry you’re having so much trouble with your darks, dear. There is never good timing for an accident and I’m sorry it took up so much of your time yesterday. I would definitely email Eileen and tell her what is going on. Your system is so vast that I expect all kinds of things could be going on in it. Drunk drivers never know how much havoc they can cause because if they did they wouldn’t be driving drunk. xxx

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  2. Hi Liz, I was wondering how you are doing. Sorry, there is so much going on in your system. I can understand though why. The fact that you had to deal with the accident instead of your memories probably plays a big part. But maybe it had to be dealt with first so you have space to deal with the past. Feel free to email me if you feel the need. Sending all of you a hug if you like hugs 🙋

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  3. I can understand it’s all pissing off, Liz. Your frustration is understandable, as well as that although Halloween has passed, the memories are still there, just as they are there even though you’re no longer abused. That’s shitty it all has cumulated for you in the same time. Do email Eileen, I’m sure it will help even just a bit, and hopefully the darks will settle down.

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