Processing our car accident using EMDR

so as i said we processed the accident in todays therapy session. not all of it but just some of what happened. we used EMDR to do this. First of all Eileen had me fill out a questionaire. It was a questionaire to see how impacted I am by what happened, like how much its effecting me. So she asked me a ton of questions, and I had to give an answer out of 5 different options. The answers ranged from not at all, a little bit, moderate, a lot and extremely. Some of the questions were about feelings, whether I am feeling a lot due to what happened, whether I was able to discuss it, whether I am sleeping, things like that. There were a bunch of them maybe aroune 20 questions. So anyway I scored a total overall score of 64. Eileen said that 64 meant things were still really running for us after the accident. After doing the questionaire we started using the pulsers. Eileen had me talk about what we were doing beforehand. Like before it happened. We discussed that for a few minutes. Then we got into the detail of the accident. Discussing that was extremely difficult. I cried, a lot. I panicked. I was shaky. I was palpitating and sweating as i talked. It was super hard. But we did it. We got through it. We talked about feeling responsible for what happened. The reason I say we felt responsible is because we’d been going to a grocery store to get groceries for me. If I’d chosen a different store, like I had planned on doing, we’d have never been in the accident. It would have never happened. Eileen asked me if I still feel responsible now. I told her no, that now that we’ve taught about it some more, we know the driver is actually responsible, the driver of the other car I mean. That he chose to drive drunk. He chose to hit us and then drive off. We happened to be there at the wrong time. Thats all. None of it was our fault. I know that now. Then eileen asked us if we know its over. Some of us didnt realise that. Even though physically its over, we are still reliving it every day. Still having flashbacks from it. Still reliving the accident over and over in our head and in our mind. She said to try to remember, that the chances of this sort of thing happening again are very slim. That even if we were to be in another accident, the exact same thing would never happen, in the exact same way as it did this time. This particular accident is over. And while there are no guarantees we wont be involved in another one, that this one is over. And we are safe. She kept reassuring the kids we’re safe. Its over. They were so scared. Very very spooked by remembering today. I told her how some of them are scared of the “scary man” as they put it. The man who hit us. They think that he’s out to hurt them. No amount of telling them that he actually wasnt out to get them is helping. So eileen started to tell them today that actually, he would have hit anyone, and he definitely wasnt trying to just hit us, like, its just, we were in the totally wrong place at the wrong time, and he hit us because he was drunk, and not because he meant to hurt any of us, when I say meant I mean he didnt hit us because he knew us and was meaning to kill or injure us because he knew us. The kids still arent fully convinced, but eileen telling them that did help some. We talked a lot about the aftermath of the accident. About the hospital and about the police coming and what happened. Eileen said that our recall might be a little fuzzy and she was right. A lot of what happened seems blurry to me now. I have to go make a statement soon to the police, and I am dreading it. I am dreading it because I am triggered by police. We all are. That is because we’ve had some bad experiences with the police in the past not believing us about abuse we’ve gone through. So we’re all just scared of talking to them now. Eileen said she wasnt sure how much use we’d be to them, since we werent able to see to witness what went on, and I agree. But I think we’ll still have to give our version of events to them, as we were in the car and we were there on the day in question. We were a part of what happened. Im glad we processed things a little bit. We’re going to work some more on it over the next few months. But for now thats all we were able to do. Eileen said she was really proud of us. She said we did great work today. I’m really proud of us too. It definitely wasnt easy to process it.

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Author: Carol Anne

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

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