I cant go on, someone help

hhihihihi everybody
im so sad. i realy wanna die. i dont feel i can go on. i feel so sad and my heart is hurting. i just feel so scared and so sad.

i cant take the pressure. everything is so overwhelming. my head hurts. my chest is tight. my heart pounds. my stomach is feeling puky. i feel like im going to be sick. it feels icky.

this is a awful time of year. i remember realy bad things. about rituals. and memories of abuse. and people who hurt us. and did real bad things to us.

the memories wont stop. they come at night. and now it is night time. its almost 9 pm. im scared. scared to go to sleep. scared of the dark. scared of everything.

someone make it stop. im afraid to go near the pills. cuz what if i take them all? i feel like i could. its hard to keep going on. its hard not to just give in. i am trying hard. trying to fight it.

butterfly hugs
Loves you,
Emily age 12

Virus-free. www.avg.com

Author: Carol Anne

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

54 thoughts on “I cant go on, someone help”

  1. Triggers like that are so hard, but even though the time of year is the same and the memories are flying at you, where you are right now is safe in your home and tomorrow you’ll be safe at your mom’s. I know you can get through this. xo

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  2. Hi Emily, sending you a big hug. Please hang in there. Do you have a teddy bear to cuddle with? Or maybe Nitro? That is what I do when I feel really bad. I have a teddy bear I got from my godmother when I was 7. I still have it and hold it when bad memories come up. And now of course we have Sherky our dog too. You can manage. I believe in you 😚🐝🐶🙋❤

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      1. Lovely names 😚 mine doesn’t have one. I don’t know why. If I sent a picture to Carol Ann via email of it would you mind to find a nice name for him? 🙋🐝😚

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      2. hahaha, thats kinda funny i think. that you forgot. it is good in a way. cuz you dont see us as different then just cuz we cant see. butterfly hugs, loves you emily xox

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      3. 👍glad I could make you laugh. I am getting old I forget lots of things 😁 lol. Thanks for naming my bear. He lives the name and I do too. Take good care and I hope you get some sleep. Hugs 🐝

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  3. Don’t give up. I know the memories are hard, and this time of year is absolutely horrible. Keep reminding yourself that you are safe now, and that you can handle this. Sending hugs. You’ve got this. 💕

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  4. Em, its gonna be ok, ok? i know you feel alone. i know how alone feels. it feels sucky. the suckiest thing ever. and i know how the terror of memories feels. but you survived all of those things that happened to u. and not only did u survive, but u r thriving every day. you are stronger than all of those terrible people. you survived and you got out. you are stronger than them mentally and physically. you are safe. your parts will protect u and comfort you, and u in turn give them reassurance that they are still connected to someone beautiful and innocent and lovely: you. ♥♥♥♥ luv u.

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  5. I have had an anniversary trigger like that. I was raped when I was 12 on Dec 5th. Every year I suffered in emotional pain not matter how much trauma work I had done. My doc said try replacing that day with something to celebrate. Make ur mind up to celebrate something on that day. I dont really celebrate but I make sure something is planned that day so I’m with others. Works most of the time. I’m sorry your hurting right now.

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  6. Emily, I’m sorry you’re struggling so much. I so wish it could already be over for you. Sending you lots of hugs and love. I know you’re very strong, stronger than you think, and that you will get through this, but I also know it’s very hard and I’m with you in it.

    Liked by 1 person

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