LIZ: WORKING HARD IN THERAPY

SO TODAYS SESSION WAS INTENSE. I HAD MOST OF IT. I WORKED WITH THE PULSERS. WE WORKED WITH A MEMORY. IT WAS A MEMORY OF THE FIRST TIME WE WERE ABUSED AT A RITUAL. IT WAS SO SO HARD. I DONT THINK I’VE EVER HAD TO WORK SO HARD AS I DID TODAY. THE IMAGES THAT WERE COMING UP WERE SO AWFUL. SO RAW. I WAS FEELING INTENSE FEELINGS. FEELINGS THAT I HAVE NEVER FELT. EILEEN KEPT ASKING ME WHAT WAS THE PICTURE, WHAT WAS MY BELIEF ABOUT MYSELF BACK THEN, AND WHAT DID I WANT TO HAVE AS A BELIEF NOW. ITS ALL PART OF THE EMDR. PLUS SHE HAD ME IMAGINE I WAS ACTUALLY LOOKING AT THE LIGHTS, EVEN THOUGH I CANT SEE THEM. SHE TOLD ME TO IMAGINE THAT I COULD. IMAGINE MY EYES GOING OVER AND BACK AS IF I WAS LOOKING AT THE LIGHTS ON THE PULSERS WHILE THEY VIBRATED IN MY HANDS. I COULD DO IT BUT BOY WAS IT HARD! SO I GOT IN TOUCH WITH AN 8 YEAR OLD PART. SHE WAS STUCK BACK IN THE PAST, BACK IN THE MEMORY. SHE WAS SO FEARFUL, TRAUMATISED, JUST PANICKING. EILEEN KEPT ASKING ME HOW I FELT TOWARDS HER. AT FIRST I SAID I WASNT SURE. BUT THEN I SAID I FELT PROTECTIVE OF HER. I FELT LIKE I WANTED TO TAKE CARE OF HER AND BRING HER OUT OF THAT PLACE. SO EILEEN SAID WE COULD. SHE SAID IT WAS SAFE FOR HER TO COME OUT OF THERE NOW. IT WAS SAFE FOR HER TO COME WITH ME. SHE ASKED ME WHAT I THOUGHT SHE NEEDED. THAT WAS A HARD QUESTION. I KNEW WHAT I WANTED TO SAY BUT COULDNT FIND WORDS. LUCKILY EILEEN IS VERY GOOD AT HELPING ME TO FIND THE WORDS. SO SHE DID AND I WAS ABLE TO TELL HER THAT I THOUGHT SHE NEEDED REASSURANCE THAT SHE WAS SAFE, THAT IT WAS OVER, THAT ITS IN THE PAST. I TOLD HER I THINK SHE NEEDS TO BE SOMEWHERE SAFE ON THE INSIDE, WHERE SHE CAN REST, STAY WARM, COMFORTABLE, AND RELAX AND BE CALM. EILEEN AGREED THIS WAS ACTUALLY A REALLY GOOD IDEA. SO THEN WE WORKED WITH THE PULSERS. I WAS ABLE TO BRING UP A SAFE PLACE INSIDE AND VISUALISE HER GOING THERE. YEAH…I TOLD YOU WE WORKED HARD. I WAS SO DRAINED AT THE END OF IT! I CAME HOME AND I SLEPT FOR THE AFTERNOON! EILEEN HAD TOLD ME TO REST WHEN I GOT HOME. SO I ATE AND THEN I RESTED. I DREAMED WHEN I WAS SLEEPING, BUT EILEEN HAD SAID I MIGHT. SHE SAID DREAMING IS ALSO PART OF THE EMDR AND THAT IS THE EMDR WORKING, IT IS US PROCESSING THE TRAUMATIC experiences AND THE SESSION. I’M HAPPY WITH HOW IT WENT, THOUGH. REALLY, REALLY HAPPY WITH IT.
LIZ

Virus-free. www.avg.com

Author: Carol Anne

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

16 thoughts on “LIZ: WORKING HARD IN THERAPY”

      1. I did some “worktherapy”: tried to make gnocchi, scheduled blogposts so I can have a little time for myself tomorrow, did some weeding, drank St. Johnswort tea. That is probably the reason why I am spiralling. I didn’t drink it yesterday but had some wine instead. Not a good idea which I know. Now watching TV and trying to go to sleep.

        Like

      2. YOU ARE DOING A LOT TO TRY TO HELP YOURSELF! WELL DONE! NOT EASY I KNOW! I HOPE THE TV HELPS. IM WATCHING TV TOO, WATCHING CORONATION STREET, MINDLESS SOAPS HELP SOMETIMES. XOX

        Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s