Irritated with my friend

A friend just sent me a text at 4 AM. I know she’s doing badly so I didn’t mind her texting me. I was up anyway so what did it matter?
but then, then she asked me to talk to dr. barry and tell her that she, my friend is very low, and she asked me if I’d tell dr. barry that I was worried about her and afraid she was going to do something to herself.
Just to clarify, me and her have the same psychiatrist…that is, dr. barry.
I didn’t know what to say. I did not want to talk to dr. barry about her.
Plus I don’t think dr. barry would actually discuss her with me! You know like, I could say it to dr. barry that she’s low, but I doubt dr. barry will want to talk about it with me! And that is how it should be!
I told her this. I did tell her I’d tell dr. barry that she wasn’t doing very well. I am not happy she has put me in that position though!
She had an apt yesterday with the team, she missed it. It is not my fault if she misses her apts!
I know she doesn’t always see dr. barry though. And I do. So maybe she thinks by me talking to dr. barry for her that dr. barry will then do something for her?
I think she wants to go into hospital! She said as much to me in the text.
I guess Im just frustrated. Why am I always s put in awkward positions by her?
I think another talk about boundaries is in order!
She knows she should not ask, I know she knows as she said to me in the text, I hate asking you but…
Just feel so frustrated!
What would you do in my position?

Author: Carol Anne

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

26 thoughts on “Irritated with my friend”

  1. She should definitely not be putting you in that position. If she wants to go into the hospital, she needs to talk to Dr. Barry about it as she won’t go in just because you say something to Dr. Barry. I would mention the problem of you being put in the middle and see if she has any suggestions. If your friend wants something to happen, she needs to keep her appointments so that her team knows she wants something to happen.

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    1. I agree, I don’t like being put in the middle, I will definitely talk to Doctor Barry about this and mention to her how she has put me in the middle of things I’m sure Doctor Barry wouldn’t be pleased to know that it’s affecting me so much which it is

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  2. I would probably ask her what’s going on and direct her toward like a warm line (as it’s called in the US – basically a number for people who need someone to talk to. Or even a crisis number). If she is a threat to herself, I would tell her she needs to go to an emergency center for help. There is only so much you can do. Try not to let it frustrate you, but if she is calling at 4 am then something is not right with her and she may need some kinda help that you are unable to give her. I hope this helps!

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    1. She has been using helplines like the Samaritans and other help lines so she does know about those, she does know that she shouldn’t text me so late as well because she said to me in the text that she was sorry and she hope she didn’t wake me, she didn’t, but the point is there is only so much I can do for her

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      1. I agree with you. If she has all the resources she definitely shouldn’t have messaged you that early in the morning UNLESS it was an emergency and by the sounds of it, it wasn’t. I know there have been times I reached out to my best friend at all crazy hours when my head wasn’t in the right place even though I have all the resources I need. However, in my case, it was because I was “crying out for help.” So I can see it from both sides if that makes sense. Maybe try talking to her in the morning or afternoon and explain how inappropriate that was after you both get some sleep. I really hope you feel better 🙂 Try to get some Zzz’s before you have to begin your day! 🙂

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      2. Yes I’m going to talk to her about it, I’m okay with her texting me but well it’s just the talking with our psychiatrist that I’m not really okay with texting is okay I know it was pretty late or early depends on how you look at it but sometimes we text each other in the middle of the night so I’m okay with that it’s the other part that I’m not okay with really

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  3. I think she is scared and reaching out for help to one of the only people she feels will help her. Or the only person who will listen or cares. My friend always reaches out to me when he is down and thinking about doing something he shouldn’t. I am just happy he feels that he can and that he does and that I am able to help. I get frustrated when he fights me on helping him or leaves me to worry. But I have to remind myself the state of mind that he is in that he isn’t thinking straight. That talking about it can be even more upsetting even though it helps. I have to remind myself what kind of person he really is and that he would do the same for me or someone else if he needed to.

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      1. That is what is hard at times when your dealing with your own stuff. There has been times I just wanted to say you think your life is so bad and unload but I catch myself. He has been there for me at times. When he was staying here he was a lot for me and the kids. We were going through a lot he came in picked up the pieces as much as he could.

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      2. That’s good, she has been there for me to so I’d like to return the favour forever be there for her if I can I mean it’s what good friends do I guess isn’t it? And we are really good friends

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  4. I feel you … boundary-less people are hard to deal with especially when they’re friends.
    However. I’d be saying … No.
    And thats it. No reason. No discussion. Just No.

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  5. She should not ever ask you to do that. If she has a concern she herself needs to contact Dr Barry’s office. It is not fair for her to put you in the middle like that!!

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  6. I think it’s because she knows that you’re a nice person and will listen to her. Saying that, it isn’t fair to put that responsibility on you. She’s an adult and if she really wants Dr. Barry to help her, she needs to reach out. Maybe suggest that she sends Dr. Barry a text or e-mail if she isn’t feeling strong enough to talk to her.
    Missing appointments is not a good thing. You cannot do the work for her–she needs to want to get help. This may sound mean–so forgive me if it does–but when you miss appointments and then do what she does, it feels like she is either in crisis or looking for attention. Either way, she needs serious help at this point and she can’t expect you to do it for her. Yes, you can support her, but she needs to take the proper steps.
    Is this the same friend who recently reached out to you when she was suicidal? If so, I remember that set you back quite a bit, so I’m wondering if you need some bigger boundaries with her? Perhaps you can tell her that if she continues to talk the way she is you will have no choice but to call the ambulance or report her to the police as suicidal. It sounds mean but sometimes when push comes to shove, you need to push back.
    It’s hard, because she is your friend and you don’t want anything happening to her, but you still need to consider yourself. You’ve been having a rough time lately and you don’t need someone else’s issues to make things worse for you.
    Make sure you take good care of yourself. xx

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    1. Yes it’s the same friend the same one who was suicidal a few weeks ago and actually took an overdose and then had me call the ambulance for her, I’m reluctant to do this so I don’t think I will I think I will tell her she will have to do it herself if she wants to help I can only do so much as a friend I want to be there for her I want to helper but I can only do so much if she doesn’t want to help herself then there’s nothing I can really do about that but talking to Doctor Barry that’s not my job

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  7. Perhaps it just boils down to a little tough love. You can just let her know that, although you love her dearly, you are not going to do anything for her that she can do herself. That way, you will keep yourself from being manipulated. Since she’s your friend, it’s best you set the boundaries, not Liz. xxx

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  8. I don’t think that’s right of her to bug you and ask you to ask her doctor. It is her responsibility to contact her doctor if she needs help. I would definitely set some boundaries.

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