hi, im ash, im 18 years old.
im feeling very tired. i had most of our therapy session today. it was good, good but very draining.
we talked a lot about emily and emilys system. for those of you who dont know me I am one of emilys insiders, I am a dark.
I did something that I probably shouldnt have done over the weekend. I responded to an email from a past abuser. I did it for one reason and one reason only. I did it to protect Emily.
She would have hurt herself. She would have tried to commit suicide. She is very suicidal right now, and when the email came in from a past abuser over the weekend it had instructions in it for us to do something bad to the body.
I couldnt let that happen. I couldnt let emily self destruct. I just couldnt. So I pretended I was going to follow through with the instructions. I responded pretending to be Emily, the email was directed at her you see.
I pretended to be her and I managed to get them to quit bugging us. They think we’re probably going to off ourselves. Obviously we’re not though.
So I was only trying to do good. I talked to Eileen about it today. She completely got it. She completely got why I did what I did.
I am glad she wasnt mad that I responded. She said it made total sense to her why I’d do that. Why I’d respond to them. I was protecting emily from harming us.
Now I have to watch Emily closely and make sure she doesnt act on suicidal urges this week. She did make an agreement with eileen that she wouldnt. She also doesnt want to disappoint eileen so that helps that she’s wanting to do it so as not to make eileen feel disappointed in us. Eileen said she wasnt disappointed in us though.
I’m glad. Eileen matters to me. It matters to me that we are here and that we stay alive. So I will do everything in my power to keep us alive if I can!