its me emily. I really want to die!

hhihihihii everybody
its me Emily. I feel so bad.
I don’t want to be here
I don’t want to be alive
I want to end it
I want to go away forever
I am so so scared
scared of my memories
scared of my feelings
scared of the abusers
I want to end it because I feel we’d be better off if I did
i’d be finally happy
happier than I am now
i’d be out of pain
there’d be no more pain no more sadness
we’d be at peace
I cant take it any more I realy cant
I hate myself and I hate my body
I hate how I look
I hate life
I just cant do this
im not going to do anything ok guys
I just feel like I want to
but im safe
I promised Eileen I wouldn’t do anything to the body
and i’ll keep my promise to her
cuz I don’t want to disappoint her
but it don’t stop me feeling like I want to
butterfly hugs
loves you
Emily

Author: Carol Anne

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

24 thoughts on “its me emily. I really want to die!”

  1. Hi Emily. The abusers can’t hurt you any more. And even though thoughts and feelings can be really scary, they can’t hurt you either. I’m glad you made that promise to Eileen. I know you can do this. xo

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  2. I’m sorry yhou’re feeling bad Emily, and I’m glad you recognize that you don’t need to take those feelings out on the body. I pray that one day you will be a healed, happy twelve-year-old. xxx

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Oh Emily I’m sorry you’re struggling so badly, hun. Remember you won’t feel always this way, it will pass. So that is good you’ve made that promise to Eileen, even though I know it’s hard for you to not break it. I’m here if you’d like to talk more you can always email me and you don’t have to hesitate. Sending you lots of safe hugs and butterflies to sit on your hands, fly around you, comfort you and make your life a bit easier. Hope things get better soon.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hi Emily… Hope you feel better really soon!! I know its hard to hang on and go thru all the painful memories… Lots of us care about you and send you lots and lots of safe (((((hugs))))) ❤💜💚

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