Im Jaylee and I am 9

im jaylee and im 9. i am one of emilys insiders. me and eileen talked a lot today. i like her. shes so nice.

i told her i am testing her to see if i can trust her. thats not hard though. she makes it easy to feel like you can trust her which is cool.

we talked about the bad guys. about how they made me feel so worthless. about how i hate myself because they made me feel so bad about myself. and about how awful i felt for doing things like hurting other kids.

eileen said i didnt have a choice, the badguys didnt give me a choice. they made me do it and to survive i had to do it. i didnt want to, but i had to if i wanted to live.

she said every time she hears about stuff that happened to us she cares even more about us than she did before. she said her heart feels soft towards us there is a softening in her heart. i didnt ever hear someone say something like that before.

she told me too that all kids are born with a little nugget of gold inside of them. and we worked a little with the pulsers to see if i could notice where mine was. she said its a nugget of gold and it represents the good inside of you.

she said those pulsers are magic. i ask her why and she said its magic cuz they make you feel good. they help you to feel better. and it is true. they did help me and i did feel good after we worked with them.

when we was recognising the nugget of gold she ask me what does it look like. what shape is it. i told her its like a rectangle, and inside of it there is sparkles, sprinkly fairy dust like pixie dust. she said thats really good and a very good description of it.

i had a nice time talking to her. it was a lot of work and we did hard work but it wasnt all hard. we had fun too. and i loved talking to her. and i know i can trust her now. i know she is trustworthy. and i felt safe too which is good.
jaylee age 9

Author: Carol Anne

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

12 thoughts on “Im Jaylee and I am 9”

  1. Hi Jaylee! So glad to meet you. Thanks for sharing. Emily is so right , you have lots of gold nuggets in you! You are a gold nugget. , full of potential, those bad guys don’t determine who you are. So sorry about them! But they have no control over you now, so keep Shining! Hugs to you!


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