so in session with eileen this morning, we talked about my friend. about her overdose and about how that effected us.
and it seems it really effected us, a lot more than i actually thought. last week i pretty much panicked, i was going on autopilot, just doing what needed to be done at the time. i didnt think too much about the profound effect it had on me.
basically, when i told eileen what happened, how it happened, she said my friend was actually being very manipulative. because first of all, she texted me to say she’d overdosed, and that wasnt right, she should have at least rang me, not said what she’d done over a text. because, what if I didnt see it? What if I didnt respond right away. What if I only saw it many hours later? What then?
and then, not only did she text me to say she’d taken pills, but when i first told her to get help, she refused, she wouldnt ring her daughter, who is her next of kin, she wouldnt ring the ambulance herself, she said they might think she was seeking to get attention, she wouldnt go to A and E to be treated.
Yet she asked me to ring an ambulance for her. so eileen said obviously she didnt really want to die, but she didnt want the paramedics calling her out on what she did either. she wanted help, but she wanted someone else to get the help for her. which is fine i guess, but well, she could have chosen a better way to do that.
what she did left me with the responsibility of making sure she got help, making sure she was ok. i’m not ok with that. i dont like that the responsibility was put on me to do all that. i love her, and i am a good friend of hers, but I too have issues, mental health stuff going on, and I didnt need that level of responsibility. Not to mention how profoundly it effected my system.
so what to do now? I guess I should talk to her about it. I’m nervous to do that though. Eileen said if I dont it might be the elephant in the room for us. This weekend my friend thanked me for calling the ambulance for her, she said I’d saved her life. When I told eileen what she said to me about saving her life, eileen said thats an awful responsibility to have, to be responsible for saving another persons life. thats so true, it is. I couldnt agree more.
I’m not ready to discuss it with her yet though. I first have to think up how to put it to her because, I know she’s not going to react too well to what I have to say.
What do you think? Am I right to feel this way about it all? Would you feel similarly if it was you in the predicament?