Awake and rambling

i’m awake. at almost 1 AM. I knew i would be. I knew I wouldnt be able to sleep. Ah well. I guess it is what it is right? If I cant sleep then I just cant. I need to do something else to distract myself from feeling things I dont want to feel and thinking things I dont want to think. What, i ask myself. REad? Nope. Done that already. Listen to music? No. Read blogs? Maybe. But well thats reading? But I have to catch up on my blog posts! There are thousands of them in my inbox and wp keeps adding more every day! lol. I’ll get there some day I will catch up some time I am sure. Until then though what to do? I didnt know so I decided to write. Writing always makes me feel good. I feel complete when I am writing, I love it. And I love the support of you lovely wordpress folk even more. You’ve all become like a family to me. Such a huge part of my life. I consider you all friends, although we’ve never met. This is a really great community. Blogging was one of the best things I ever did for myself. I hope tomorrow I am not too tired and I hope I can stay awake throughout the day. I wont be able to nap at all tomorrow at any stage. Just hoping I can stay upright lol. I’m wonderinf if I’ve lost any weight this week. It would be nice if I had. I hope I did.


Author: Carol Anne

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

17 thoughts on “Awake and rambling”

  1. There’s a type of sleep disorder called non-24-hour sleep. Basically because we can’t detect light, the body can’t detect when it’s night time and day time. So what happens is, we go to sleep when we’re tired, but not necessarily at night. I can’t get a regular sleep cycle going either because my body clock doesn’t work. I litterally have to stay awake all day and feel the sunlight shining at me as often as I can, and I have to stay active so by nightfall I feel tired enough to fall asleep when I go to bed. I have to induce sleep with diet and exercise. The reason I discuss this is because I’m wondering if this is what you may have. There are lots of sleep disorders, but I firmly believe the way you describe your sleep disturbance is from non-24-hour sleep. I know there’s lots of other causes for sleep disturbance. But I’d suggest not ruling this disorder out. Take care! Michelle


      1. I haven’t got an official diagnosis for the disorder either, but I feel certain that I’ve got this issue anyway. I physically can’t fall asleep just whenever I feel like going to sleep. I have to induce it somehow. For me, I use diet and exercise. When I get older eventually I may possibly need medication but that’s only possibility.


      2. I already take nutrition medication. I’d prefer not to take other meds though. Most meds don’t agree with me, and for the ones that do,n’t make me sick I’m left feeling groggy the next day. So I will take medicines if I develop severe insomnia. XX


      3. Yep. I try really hard to sleep at night if I can because if I’m very drowsy during the day, I can hardly function. I’m careful with all meds because of this fact, and I have severe side effects to most meds related to pain and sleep. Benzos have strong side effects for me but I don’t get really ill from them. They’re reserved for medical appointments that cause panick and anxiety such as the dentist, and if I’m in intense pain after a procedure and can’t handle pain strong pain medicine, so I eventually take a bit of a sleeping tablet in the Benzo class, just to catch up on sleep. I rarely take it.


      4. The thing is, one day the doctors are going to have to give me medicine somehow, I live a very active lifestyle and I have very bad teeth as well. So with the dental procedures that will eventually need to be done, plus any damage I do from tripping over etc, The doctors will have to work out how to reduce side-effects of most medicines. What I’m hoping to do is tell the dentist and the doctors that I can’t be treated because then I don’t have to worry about taking any medicine. The only other way around it is to have medicine in a drip and a feeding tube so I don’t have to worry about eating if I vomit a lot. But I won’t worry about that for now, I will just wait and see what happens in future.


      5. Well I would take the meds, a feeding tube is no fun, a lot of hassle and it can come out easily or infection could set in, so if you need meds I’d say grin and bear it if at all possible. xo

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      6. I totally agree with you. Trouble is, the meds that don’t agree cause stomach problems that gets worse over time. However, the meds that I’m ok with prevent me from functioning during the day so I only take them if I have no other option. I only thought of the feeding tube because when I suffer med reactions, I have to stay on an IV because of vomiting, so I can’t swallow and keep fluids and food down. So the feeding tube would have to go in, in order to keep food running through my intestines. My other option is not taking strong medications because I function a lot better without them. But say if something were to go wrong, yes I’d take medications that have bad side effects and would just stay on the drip. I’m ok for now though, there’s some weaker, non-prescription meds I can take from time to time. I was told by some friends that a certain medical clinic is definitely very good and not to be so frightened of doctors because not all doctors mistreat people. So I’ll try out this clinic and will go from there. I’m just so scared at the moment because I had a bad experience with a nasty doctor back in May, she was very nasty to me and towards my regular doctor, who was not working that day. I know that all doctors are not like this, I know I will get a very caring, very nice doctor soon, I’m just so traumatised at the moment. As for my pharmacist, she is very very nice to me and has made sure that I can take week medications that a doctor can get me stronger versions of without making me severely ill, if that need should arise. I am very happy with her actually. I have also got natural cough lollies that don’t have any interactions with other medicines and they don’t have side-effects either, so I can eat as many as I wish if I need to. So I do take some medication sometimes, I just have to be careful with what medicines I ask for. I’m sure my new doctor will do some tests and decide what happens after that. But at this time, I’m doing okay. I’ve got very supportive friends too, even though me and a couple of my friends have a lot of disagreements lol!


      7. True! I’m all good with meds at the moment thoug, I have to stick with what I take till a doctor changes it so I don’t develop any difficulties. I keep up with the exercise and diet regime and try to rest as much as I can. Me and my doctor are gonna talk over a lot of treatment options so if I should need sleep medication in the future, I can work out a schedule that will allow me to be alert during the day, as in I don’t want grogginess to affect me during the day. I’ll ask the doctor about how to reduce reactions to opioid medications as well because something needs to be done to fix my left eye eventually. Morphine and codeine and endone are out, I react terribly and the only way to eat and drink properly is to discontinue them. It’s such a shame. I can’t wait to see what I can do with other opioids as I do suffer bad side-effects/reactions, but I can at least deal with it to a degree. I don’t function well but I manage reasonably ok. I’ll go over these things with the doctor, my friend said I’ll be fine. Just that I’ll need the doctor to send a letter to the eye hospital, and I’ll have to take certain medicine combinations every time to prevent serious side effects. I can’t just take any old tablet. I’m too sensitive to medicines so I have to take some medicines along with others, and there are some meds which I simply cannot have. I can’t wait till I’ve got a caring doctor because I’m still young and I want to stay as well as I can for the rest of my life, hopefully.


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