EMDR PROCESSING

HI, ITS WILLOW. HOW ARE YOU ALL?

IT WAS SO GOOD TO GET BACK TO THERAPY! I WAS NEVER SO HAPPY AS I WAS TO SEE EILEEN TODAY! I FELT SO DELIGHTED TO BE BACK IN HER OFFICE!

WE DID SOME EMDR IN THIS SESSION. WE PROCESSED A MEMORY WELL I DID. I WAS HAVING TROUBLE WITH ANXIETY AND EILEEN ASKED ME IF I’D LIKE TO WORK WITH IT. I SAID YES I WOULD. SHE ASKED IFI FELT READY TO DO SOME MEMORY WORK. I HESITATED BUT THEN WENT FOR IT. AND I DID IT.

THE MEMORY WAS HARD TO WORK THROUGH. I KEPT WANTING TO DISSOCIATVE. I KEPT SPACING OUT. EILEEN HAD TO KEEP BRINGING ME BACK. I KEPT FORGETTING TO BREATHE TOO. I’D BE HOLDING MY BREATH AND EILEEN WOULD HAVE TO SAY BREATHE! BREATHE! OVER AND OVER!

SHE KEPT REMINDING ME ITS OK TO BREATHE, OK TO TAKE UP AIR AND SPACE! I TOLD HER I ALWAYS THINK I SHOULDNT! I THINK I DONT DESERVE TO! SHE SAID IT IS MY RIGHT! MY RIGHT TO BE IN THE WORLD!

SHE GOT OUT THE PULSERS AND WE WORKED WITH THEM FOR A WHILE. WE WORKED WITH A YOUNG PART OF ME. A 9 YEAR OLD. THE MEMORY I SAW WAS OF HER STANDING IN THE PLAYGROUND, FEELING ALL ALONE AND VERY LONELY. TERRIFIED THAT SHE WAS ON HER OWN AND UNABLE TO MANAGE. FEELING TRAPPED, WONDERING HOW SHE WAS GOING TO GET AWAY RUN GET OUT AND AWAY FROM THE ABUSE.

EILEEN HAD ME NOTICE HER AND NOTICE MY BODY AND THE REACTIONS FROM MY BODY. THAT WAS SUPER HARD! I FELT A LOT OF INTENSE ANXIETY. FEAR, AND LIKE SHE WAS VERY CLOSE! TH E 9 YEAR OLD PART OF ME WAS SO SCARED!

EILEEN SAID I COULD TAKE HER OUT OF THAT PLACE SHE WAS IN. I COULD TAKE HER BACK WITH ME BACK TO CORK TO WHERE I LIVE NOW. I SAID I DIDNT KNOW HOW TO. EILEEN SAID I COULD MAKE SPACE FOR HER IN MY ROOM INSIDE, OR MAKE HER HER OWN ROOM. AND SHE SAID MAYBE SHE’D LIKE TO MEET THE 9 YEAR OLD INSIDERS THAT ARE IN OUR SYSTEM. I SAID I’D LIKE HER TO BUDDY UP WITH SOMEONE, SO I ASKED ALLIE IF SHE’D BUDDY UP WITH HER. SHE SAID YES SHE WOULD DO THAT.

HOWEVER THE LITTLE GIRL WASNT READY TO COME WITH ME TODAY, SHE NEEDS MORE TIME TO HANG OUT WITH ME AND JUST GET TO KNOW ME SOME MORE. AND THATS OK. I CAN WAIT. IF SHE’S NOT READY TO COME OUT OF WHERE SHE’S ALWAYS BEEN FOR YEARS YET THATS OK. SHE WILL WHEN SHE’S READY!

EMDR IS HARD WORK LET ME TELL YOU! I HADNT EVER TRIED IT OUT BEFORE. IN FACT I WAS AFRAID OF IT! I TALKED A LITTLE BIT TO EILEEN TODAY ABOUT ME BEING AFRAID OF IT. SHE SAID I SHOWED COURAGE TO EVEN TRY! SHE KNOWS HOW MUCH US DARKS WERE AGAINST IT AT THE START! NOW WE DO IT AND WE ARENT AFRAID OF IT NOW!

I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER NOW THAT I’VE WORKED WITH THAT LITTLE ONE! SHE IS CALMER, AND FEELS SAFER. I DO TOO. I FEEL LESS ANXIOUS, LESS TENSE, LESS STRESSED, OVERALL I FEEL GOOD! I HAD A PRODUCTIVE SESSION AND I AM PROUD OF THE WORK I DID!
WILLOW, AGE 21

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Author: manyofus1980

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

24 thoughts on “EMDR PROCESSING”

  1. Willow, I’m really happy for you that Eileen is finally back, and that’s great you found the courage to try EMDR, sounds like it really went well. Hope that 9-year-old girl will soon understand she’s safe and not alone anymore. hugs for both of you. 🙂

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  2. Hi Willow, wow that was amazing that you managed all that. I had EMDR therapy but not with pulses. I preferred to tap. So I know how exhausting it is but also how freeing. Well done!

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  3. I admire your courage for trying the EMDR. I just started with an EMDR therapist and she wanted me to do something simple first, just the safe space visualisation with the bilateral stimulation, and I was too afraid. I think she thinks I’m too afraid to ever try now.

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  4. This is amazing! I’ve never heard of EMDR therapy. Unfortunately I’m your frightened type of person who doesn’t want to go near psychiatric treatments. Fear controls my life where medical people are concerned. I’d rather live in fear than try new treatments. I’d prefer to stick to taking supliments. I’d much rather live in my own rut than step out of my comfort zone. Wow this EMDR treatment sounds really good but I can’t even go to the doctors or the dentist, so there’s no way I’d go to any other therapist or psychiatrist. I’m really happy for you!

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  5. You are right to be proud of yourself! That took a lot of courage. I am so happy that it made you feel better and that you are developing a trust relationship w Eillen. Keep up the good work! I know its hard but you are doing it! You are a great role model to some of us who still have a lot of fears. xo

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  6. Your session sounds like it was super productive which is awesome! I’m so happy for you that you felt safe enough to give EMDR a try. I have had the treatment before and it can be quite confronting but I found it got rid of the physical sensations I still experienced from trauma.
    Best of luck with it sweetheart xx

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