Fly free

When I was being abused, I always wanted to fly away.
I thought if I flew away, I’d be safe.
I guess dissociation is a form of flying. Do people think so?
I would disconnect from my body during the abuse, I would hover over it, watch what was happening from above my body.
I guess that is a form of flying too, to fly above your body while your being hurt.
I do wonder why some of us dissociated during our abuse, and others didn’t? Why some of us developed coping mechanisms like did, and others didn’t. I heard recently of a case on the radio where a father abused his daughter for years, sexually.
She didn’t develop did, or a dissociative disorder, but she did develop other coping skills.
I guess we’re all different. We all manage to cope in different ways.
Just some random thoughts today that I am thinking about.

Author: Carol Anne

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

8 thoughts on “Fly free”

  1. I would like to know more about the girl who did not become DID. What other coping strategies did she develop? Perhaps you could also have schizophrenia? I am not sure what I would prefer. I would prefer not having been abused but this is too late. We have to cope with what is left…..


  2. It’s very interesting how all of us use different strategies for coping with stuff, how pretty much the same things affect many people in different ways, I’ve been wondering about it a lot in my life. I’ve always thought about dissociation as a form of flying, where your mind is flying, almost literally, don’t know if it’s how it is but that’s how I see it. As far as I can remember, I hadn’t have any major episode in my life when I would dissociate for a long time involuntarily but I used to do OOBE (Out Of Body Experience) which is also a form of dissociation, and used is as a sort of coping mechanism, in the past. And it definitely felt a lot like flying away. Same with lucid dreaming, and all the similar stuff. So yeah it all is really very interesting, I think.


  3. I think that she probably did dissociate at the time but may not be aware of it. Her brain would find some way of coping whilst it was happening. It is possible to dissociate without necessarily having a disorder. I dissociate but I have never been abused. Kati Morton, the therapist with her own YouTube channel about mental health, describes dissociation as the brain pulling the rip cord on a parachute because it can’t deal with feelings or thoughts.
    I don’t know how much research is done or has ever been done into why people do or don’t develop dissociative disorders. There are probably a lot of factors and influences dependent on someone not developing a dissociative disorder or full on DID.


    1. Yeah. Your right. I bet some research has been done on it. I think too that there probably are a lot of factors at play. And dissociation is on a spectrum as well so that makes a difference. xxx


  4. To me, the fact that some people trauma develop a mental illness and some people don’t reinforces the fact that things like PTSD and DID truly are illnesses, and not just a natural consequence of traumatic events. If it was just about events, everyone who experienced traumatic events would end up with PTSD and related disorders, but instead like any other mental illness some people’s brains are susceptible and some aren’t.


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