Attachment pain is ugly

I feel like shit. I cant stop crying.
the pull towards suicide is so strong. I wont do anything, but god do I want to. I really fucking want to tonight.
I don’t know where this suicidal stuff and feelings came from. I was ok earlier. more than ok.
right now I long to be wrapped in my therapists arms.
embraced in her warmth and love. embraced in a safe hug with her.
its late…almost midnight. I should go to bed. I should switch off for the night.
but I cant. I am feeling so overwhelmed. im in a state of sadness, insecurity, fearful, overwhelm.
This is the pain of attachment, its raw, its ugly, its horrendous.
I think I need to go read. Do something other than overthink. Other than wish. Other than cry.
Good night world

Author: Carol Anne

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

16 thoughts on “Attachment pain is ugly”

  1. Ah, Sweetie… I wish I could take that pain away from you. Try applying a cold compress on your neck and just breathe. Sit back, and read a good book, or turn on a comedy. Anything to distract your mind from thinking of all the bad stuff, focus on the good. My Prayers are with you. xo!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Im sorry!! Yes I know it sucks! I always close my eyes and wrap myself tightly in a blanket and try hard to remember what it feels like…. And look forward to being able to experience her comfort again. ((((HUGS))))


  3. Oh I’m so sorry you’re feeling so awfully. I wish I could help, but I guess the only thing that can help you is some distraction and then it can just pass on its own. It sucks though, and I know it. Hugs and love.


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