I’M JUST A HOT MESS OF FEAR

I WOKE UP WITH FEAR RUNNING THROUGH ME. I THINK I HAD A NIGHTMARE. I CANT REMEMBER IT BUT I FEEL AFRAID. SO SO AFRAID. I FEEL VERY UNSAFE. I GOT UP AND MADE A CUP OF COFFEE. IM IN THE KITCHEN NOW WITH THE RADIO ON DRINKING ME. I LET NITRO OUT. I PATTED HIM. I TRIED TO DO SOME GROUNDING TO DISTRACT ME FROM THE FEELINGS OF FEAR BUT ITS NOT WORKING TOO WELL. I ONLY GOT 2 HOURS OF SLEEP. WELL OK MAYBE 3. I WENT TO BED AROUND 8, WOKE UP JUST AFTER 11. NOW WIDE AWAKE AND UNABLE TO GO BACK TO SLEEP. ITS VERY UNLIKE ME AS NORMALLY AFTER A HARD THERAPY SESSION WE’RE DRAINED. THIS FEELS PRETTY UNMANAGEABLE. MY EMOTIONS AGAIN ARE ALL OVER THE PLACE. I’M TRYING NOT TO PUSH THEM AWAY. I JUST FEEL FRIGHTENED FEAR IS THE MAIN ONE I AM FEELING. FEAR OF WHAT IM NOT SURE THOUGH.
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Author: Carol Anne

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

12 thoughts on “I’M JUST A HOT MESS OF FEAR”

  1. I wonder if there are insiders that are fearful and it’s bleeding off onto you. I’m sure there were probably some that really hated you talking about your feelings during the session with Eileen. I hope that by the time you read this, things will have settled down a bit for you. xxx

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  2. ((((HUGS)))) Perhaps some things got stirred up deep inside in today’s session. Sorry things are so unsettled for you. Does it bring you comfort to take Eileen s perfume bottle and think about her being there w you ?

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  3. Ugh, nightmares suck. I hope you settled down after some time and got back to sleep, if I have any sort of weird dreams in the middle of the night it usually takes me a while to settle but then I can sleep fairly well. Maybe it’s all that you were bringing up in therapy that caused you more fear?

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  4. I hope you’re feeling better. I think it’s great that you just sort of observe it instead of freaking out–that seems like a huge step. It seems like sirena has had been having a hard time too, so that may be part of it. I hope you’re all better asap.

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