Internal struggles

hi it is emily. im 12. im very scared. there is so much internal fighting going on. its hard for me. i know everything about our system. i dont like when the darks fight. it makes me so nervous. eileen says i need to let go and be 12. but how can i? i have to be responsible and make sure things are running smoothly. she said no i dont. that i need to let the adults do it, take care of things. she said its important for me to just be a kid. liz says she’ll take care of things. she said i have to trust her. so im trying hard to trust that she knows what she’s doing.


Author: Carol Anne

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

14 thoughts on “Internal struggles”

  1. Eileen and Liz are right, you need to be a kid, Em, and enjoy it, it is adults’ job to care for things. I’m sure you can trust Liz, sweetie. Although I understand that you feel insecure when you don’t watch over the system and don’t have things under control like you used to, but I’m sure you’ll be no less safe than you was before, when you had to care for things on your own. Maybe you could have some time out today in the evening and do some kid things you enjoy?

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  2. emily sweetheart, both eileen and Liz are quite right. You do need to let go and allow the adults to handle things. If you don’t they will get lazy and not want to do what they ought to do. If there is something they don’t know about the system, they can ask you, but you don’t need all that responsibility! xxx


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