STRUGGLING TONIGHT

IM REALLY STRUGGLING TONIGHT. WE WENT TO OUR FRIENDS HOUSE, AND CAROL ANNE TRAINED HER FOR A FEW HOURS IN HOW TO USE HER I PHONE. I WATCHED A LITTLE AND TRIED TO DISTRACT MY MIND FROM MY THOUGHTS.

I’M HAVING A LOT OF INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS. IT FEELS SO LONELY. DOES ANYONE ELSE SUFFER FROM INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS? I FEEL SO LOST AND ALONE.

I’M WORRIED ABOUT MAY 1ST. ITS A BAD DATE FOR ME, LOTS OF ABUSE MEMORIES, ESPECIALLY MEMORIES TO DO WITH MY RITUALISTIC ABUSE HISTORY. I DONT KNOW HOW I’LL COPE WITH THEM.

I WISH MAY 1ST WOULD JUST NOT COME AT ALL. NO POINT TO WISHING THAT THOUGH, IT WILL BE HERE WHETHER I LIKE IT OR NOT.

FREAKING OUT A LITTLE ABOUT IT THOUGH TONIGHT. OVERTHINKING EVERYTHING I KNOW BUT I CANT HELP IT.

ANYONE GOT ANY IDEAS OF HOW TO STOP RACING THOUGHTS?

LIZ

Author: Carol Anne

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

32 thoughts on “STRUGGLING TONIGHT”

  1. Yeah, liz, sorry it’s hard. I substitute other thoughts–like with any addiction, you know? If I obsess about something, then I read something else, look at something else, say affirmations over and over like this is fine, this is getting better, I am free from this, over and over. In our house, actually, we do not have a certain night of the week, since someone here had a lot of abuse that day, so even on that night, I say that I’m tucking the person in for a nice Thursday night or whatever sleep, when it’s really the ‘bad’ night, and the littles ask about it, and I tell them, yes, it’s the good night, and they accept it and feel better. maybe you can just fkkin skip May 1 from now on–make your own leap years!

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  2. I’m also suffering from intrusive thoughts quite a bit all week. I’ve been listening to soothing music to calm me, or at least calm me down. I’m also catching up on a lot of blog posts, and that is helping get my mind off things. I do hope you feel better real soon, Liz. Just try to relax as best you can. ๐Ÿ™‚

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      1. It’s just part of our condition I think. They are thoughts, it’s not us and once we figure that there is a way to keep them at bay it will be easier. Just because it looks like they are more powerful than us doesn’t mean it is the truth!

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  3. I have intrusive thoughts also. . . takes a lot of prayer and blocking it out . . someday I want to be set where I can pull it out bit by bit, examine it all thoroughly, cry till I’m done and then move On

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  4. i have found that night time is when all the horrible thoughts come in. the reason being is, it gets quiet, you are settling down from the day. your mind has been busy all day with “distractions” and when it comes to night time, there are no more distractions there is only your thoughts. music, tv and reading are possible ideas to distract yourself whilst you get tired. the mind is a very powerful thing, do not give it that power. remember you are strong.

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