feels feels!

I WANT TO CRY BUT I CANT! I CANT! I CANT!
IM SO SCARED TO LET THE TEARS OUT. THEY’RE THERE PRICKING MY EYES. BUT I’M JUST SO TERRIFIED OF THEM.
WHY? WHY AM I SO SCARED? I DONNO. JUST AM. DOESNT MAKE SENSE I KNOW.
IVE BEEN HAVING MEMORIES TOO. REALLY BAD ONES. MEMORIES OF THE CARE TAKER GUY IN THE BORDING SCHOOL RAPING ME. IT HURTS. MY HEAD IS POUNDING AND MY HEART IS ACHING.
I WISH I WASNT REMEMBERING. I TRIED EVERYTHING TO STOP THE MEMORIES. BUT I CANT. THEY ARE COMING AT ME THICK AND FAST. I’M FEELING LIKE I’M BEING SMOTHERED BY THEM.
THIS SADNESS IS GONNA TURN TO ANGER. I KNOW IT. IT ALWAYS DOES.
I SHOULD PROBABLY EMAIL EILEEN. AND TRY TO PUT MY ANGER INTO A POEM OR SOMETHING.
LIZ

Author: Carol Anne

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

18 thoughts on “feels feels!”

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