Heartbroken

i am so heartbroken over my friend katie’s death. i just cant believe i will never talk to her again. i will never hear her infectious laugh. i will never hear her tell a joke. i will never be able to send her another card or present. the last two presents i gave her, one for her birthday a unicorn, and one for christmas which was a stuffed panda bear. she opened up the unicorn on camera. and it was the only birthday present she got that year. i have known her online for 8 years. that is a long time. a really long time. i was super close to her. we shared a lot. she had struggled so much in her short life. to have this happen to her at only 33? it just doesnt seem fair. why couldnt she catch a break? why didnt the people who should have cared, care? why was she left floundering and struggling on her own? she had so many needs that went unmet. as well as her blindness, and foetal alcohol syndrome, she had mental illnesses, mainly ptsd, depression, suicidality and dissociative disorder. she should have been able to get the help she needed and deserved. i feel so bad that she couldnt get help. its just sooo unfair. i have very little words tonight. alls i can say is it is depressing. i am depressed. i am grief stricken. i am heartbroken. why did she have to die? i hate that this happened. I want to beat up all the so called professionals who didnt help her. i want to know exactly what happened to her. was it a suicide? was she sick and just never recovered? i know she had been sick with a headcold and flu type virus. but was that enough to do this? or did she finally have enough and end it? I am trying to find out. I have asked on her fb page. I hope I find out the truth. For now rip Katie, you are one of the kindest, most thoughtful, caring people I ever knew. Shine bright, and fly free.
carol anne

Author: Carol Anne

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

38 thoughts on “Heartbroken”

  1. I am so sorry for your loss and all the questions that remain unanswered. Life is not always fair and we struggle to understand. May Katie, you and her loved ones find peace and comfort during this tough time. Hugs

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  2. I am still so shocked too. You’ve known her for much longer than I, it’s such a long time you could really get to know her well, so it must hurt so much more. I’m just praying for her, as not much else we can do. Rest in peace, Katie. I hope you have a better life there where you are now. I would also like to know why and how it happened, hope at least she had a peaceful death. Feel like crying as I’m thinking of her now. This is just so cruel no one was able to help her or didn’t want to, and her last months were so sad. My Mum remembers about her in her prayers too, although I’m pretty sure she’s already in heaven.

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  3. I’m so sorry for your loss dear😢 And I can truly say I know how you feel right now. Only 3 months since my best friend since I was 12 was taken from us…. Only advice I can give you is remember the funny memories. Talk about here. Take here with you in your everyday chores. Play her favorite song❤️ hugs

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